Fear of a Borg Life Part III: What about “The Community?”

August 3, 2007

“Black women have been duped into believing that if they date out or seek their own happiness first then the Black community will literally fall apart. Well my first question would be why is the BC being held up by Black women only? Why have Black men been let off the hook? I’m telling you sistas, you have all been played lovely. “–from Brown Sista Blog

 “I think as woman, we have been socialized to think that we are cultural bearers of our community. Anytime a bw chooses to marry outside of the community, people question their loyalty and identity. People assume that she hates herself and that she will not help black people. Those who say that they prefer Black Men may be trying to assert their loyalty to their community and their pride in their identity by saying that their first choice is a Black man. But was this “choice” something that came from their heart? Or was this something that comes from what we are taught.” –Margari Aziza Hill

OK.  So what will happen to the community if YOU, black woman, marry out of it?

To answer that question perhaps it would help to ask another question.  What will happen to the community if you marry within it?  Let’s assume of course that you marry a black man who shares your religion as well as your take on it and degree of committment to it, who is educated, fiscally responsible, kind and attractive. Assuming that you have similar traits, you will be happily married and produce a few happy, well-adjusted children.

So again, what will happen to the community if you marry out it?  Assuming you marry a white/asian/etc. man with the same traits as the hypothetical man in the previous paragraph, the result will be the same.  A happily married you with a couple of happy, well-adjusted children.

“But,” you may protest, “We are talking about the community, and not about me.”  True enough.  But a community is made up of individuals.  So what are you as an individual doing to better the “community” right now?  If you are mentoring students, heading a book club at the library, and raising money for scholarships, why should that change just because you marry a man who isn’t black?  If you make it your business to patronize black-owned establishments and services as much as you can now, do you think that you will suddenly forget to do so?

I imagine some of the black women who marry white/other are not loyal to the black community.  Some of them likely do hate blackness and are trying to “erase” it in themselves and their chidren.  Maybe they have no love and pride in blackness.  They are making a conscious decision to discard their heritage.  The question is, is that true of YOU?  And if it isn’t, what are you worried about?

I think that Margari’s statement is true.  We have been socialized to think we are the cultural bearers of our community.  And I think that we are.  Much of that has to do with being women. For more on this, see “Fear of a Borg Life Part II, disappearing heritage.”

Our children would also have a love and attachment to the culture of their fathers, as it should be.  But culture is largely passed through the mother.  We are the mothers, regardless of whom we choose to be the fathers of our children. Wouldn’t that mean that the community is where we are? 

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2 Responses to “Fear of a Borg Life Part III: What about “The Community?””

  1. Halima Anderson Says:

    Is this your blog forever loyal?

    I never knew u had one lol!

    “Supposing I wanted to date a White Guy…?”

  2. foreverloyal Says:

    Yep, I’m the same “foreverloyal” that sometimes comments on your blog. Nice of you to pop over. 🙂

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