White Husband as Status Symbol

August 19, 2007

LV BagWe’ve all heard of or met the black woman who expresses disdain for black women who marry interracially.  She may think they are sell-outs, self-hating, or even just weird.  But, there is another type of black woman who is upset with this type of relationship.  Curiously, this woman has a white husband herself. 

She’s very pleased about it and will generally find a way to let you know the first or second time you meet her that she has married white.  She has on a sunny smile and a slight air of superiority when she lets this bit of information “slip.”  She expects all the black women around to be envious or impressed.  She will go on at some length about the inability of  the vast majority of black women to snag a white man, how you must be blah and blah and blah.  She is all too happy to share a few cautionary tales of black women who dated white men with high hopes, only to be slapped in the face with the fact they just didn’t have what it takes to marry one.  Of course she will phrase all of these assertions in such a way as to give the impression that she takes no joy in these observations.  She just wants to let other black women know not to get their hopes up.

When someone in the group informs her that your husband is white too, her demeanor changes.  It’s actually quite amusing to watch.  Her smile becomes tight and her entire manner cools a bit. Suddenly she is all up in the business, wanting to know how much he makes, what is his family’s social class, what is his profession.  Trying in a subtle (or not so subtle) fashion to imply that her husband is better, somehow “higher” than yours.  If you indulge this line of questioning and your answers reveal that he doesn’t make as much money as her husband, her relief is palpable.  At least she’s got that over you.  But don’t let her find out that your husband’s income is equal or better than her husband’s, and/or his profession is “higher status”.  Her reaction will not be pleasant.

To this type of woman, the husband is a status symbol not unlike an expensive handbag or luxury car.  If lots of people can have one, the item loses its value.  When that happens to a handbag or car, one can simply switch to a newer, more costly purse or splurge on more rare vehicle. Husbands, however, aren’t as easily “upgraded.”  And so this woman does not want too many other black women having white husbands, because then she will have too much company.  She will no longer be “that special sort of black woman.”  Pure comedy. 

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14 Responses to “White Husband as Status Symbol”


  1. It is shameful for anyone of any race, color or ethnicity to date or marry anyone as a status symbol.

    I am not an advocate of envy in any venue, however, the only reason a woman should be envious of another woman’s relationship is if the woman has found her soul mate – the love of her life. And, even then, envy is foolish. What is for you is for you. If people would pay more attention to their mental, spiritual and emotional health, they would attract the mate they desire.

    The color of his skin is not indicative of what’s in him. Nough said.

    Carmin Wharton, The Relationship Teacher
    Author, “Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces”
    http://www.carminwharton.com
    http://blog.carminwharton.com

  2. Stargazer Says:

    Interesting, yet disturbing at the same time?

  3. Leslie Says:

    This is all too interesting. I think this has to do with how black women (women in general) have been socialize to view each other. From colorism to current stereotypes of video hoes and and baby mamas. Many in an effort to be “better” buy into what it means to be better (white privilege ect.)than so and so. I could go on but for now thats my opinion.

  4. CreoleInDC Says:

    Um…I know not what to say to this. ROFL!

  5. Lala Says:

    I really dont understand why would anyone want to be lone person among a different culture group. I mean when I dont see my own I feel uncomfortable.

  6. Osk Says:

    This reminds me of a post on Evia’s blog about do black women view each other as less than in reference to the backlash towards tameka, ushers new wife.


  7. My colleague tells me that in her culture(she is Asian American)it is seen as a status symbol to marry a white man and an act of desperation to marry a black man.

    I recently wrote a piece on my blog to provoke some thought on the issue 🙂

  8. Idetrorce Says:

    very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
    Idetrorce

  9. noriko Says:

    Hello ForeverLoyal,

    As I do not have any black friends, your posts open the window to the world of black women. I thank you for that.

    I do not feel or think my white husband as status symbol at all. We are just meant for each other.

    But some people treat me differently once they know my husband is white. Particularly Japanese people in Japan.

    When my husband and I went to Japan 2 or 3 years ago, all of my relatives treated us like king and queen. Everywhere we went together, I could feel eyes of envy (well, it was partially my fluent English? Hey they do not know my funny pronunciations and English).

    I can shamelessly admit that it felt good. As if I was above them. But I have to tell you that I was not seeking that treatment nor the feeling of “above them”. They gave them to me without me asking!

    “white husband as status symbol” might be a rather complex issue.

    take care,

    noriko

  10. MeccaNMuhammadsEma Says:

    I’m black, married to a white man and I never volunteer info that he is white because it shouldn’t matter.
    When people do find out, most of both races tend to become more “open”, if you will, and are very nice.

  11. Kat Says:

    My husband is white and I don’t see him as a status symbol either. Personally, I am glad when I see another Black woman with a white man. The way Black men sometimes treat us is horrible.


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  13. Human Says:

    I think its obsurd to generalize black wonmen who date white men as searching for a status symbol. I guess its easy to feel that our own limited experiences and opinions represent the majority.

  14. The diverse one Says:

    I hate it when people define people as” status symbols”. I’m not a person who looks down/put people on pedestals. That kind of thinking as not thinking much of yourself or others.

    I’ve dated Black men who I could classify as impressive and some White as those I would not want to be with my daughter or son. It’s almost like saying it doesn’t matter the poor character he has, he just good to go. Such biased thinking could lead a person to become disappointed with their choices

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