Love, (Muslim)American Style Part II-the engagement

August 31, 2007

engagement-party.jpg(A continuation, started in   You’ve established basic compatibility and have spent a good amount of time with your prospective spouse.  You’ve observed whether this person keeps their word and whether or not they hold a grudge over small matters.  It has been established that you both want 3 kids and that it is vital to you that they attend muslim schools. Now what?  This person looks like they are “the one.”

Now what?

At this point, you’ve been together enough to have strong feelings.  The image of her face comes into your thoughts and you smile.  You have a hard time getting off the phone with him even if you’ve been talking for an hour.  You’re feeling all mushy.  You’re in love!

So now is the time to get serious.  Time to nail down those last few things before you announce a wedding date.  Time for full-disclosure.  If he’s not a virgin, you have a right to know.  If she has horrible credit, that has to be brought out.  Lay it all on the table because joining your life to another person’s is serious business.  You should both be tested for STD’s.  Yeah yeah, maybe you both are clean.  So no need to fear the test then, right?  And if one of you tests positive for something then at least you know so you can undergo whatever treatment is necessary.  This is not something to be skipped.  Each of you should also get a credit check and show it to your prospective spouse.

After that is out of the way, it’s time to sit down and draw up a plan, a contract for your married life together.  This is the time to work out the details of how you want to live.  Are you planning for the wife to stay home after the birth of children? Think now about how you can achieve that and live reasonably comfortably.  Maybe you want to be married for five years and save most of her salary before you have kids.  Work out the mahr.  Brothers, don’t try to cheap out.  Sisters, don’t try to squeeze the man dry.  All those questions that were asked during the beginning phase need to be revisited and you need to commit your plan to paper.  Life will throw unexpected events your way, but if you have a plan you have a common vision for what you want married life to be like.  This should minimize the fights that can come with differing expectations.

When all this is done, it’s time to get formally engaged.  Have a little barbeque and invite your family and friends.  You probably want to start life with your new honey as soon as possible, so don’t set the wedding date too far out.


One Response to “Love, (Muslim)American Style Part II-the engagement”

  1. T.Kay Says:

    This was such a great read! I think everyone considering marriage should explore some of these ideas… Muslim and non Muslim, more marriages would last if some of these things were considered first.

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