Why an “Interracial Relationships” Blog?

September 21, 2007

wedI’ll be honest.  When someone first told me about Evia’s blog (http://www.bfinterracialmarriage.blogspot.com) I thought it was an interesting but odd idea.  How could someone write an entire blog on the subject?  How much could you possibly say?  You met a nice guy who was white, you hit it off, you got married, now you’re in happily ever after.  End of story.

 Needless to say as I read her and Halima’s (http://www.dateawhiteguy.blogspot.com  –everytime I see the URL I crack up, it’s an interesting site though) blog I found that I had been mistaken.  The myths, for one thing.  I never knew that so many black women didn’t think that white men saw them as attractive.  I had heard the “white men just want black women for sex” thing, but I didn’t know that any appreciable number of black women wouldn’t even give a white guy a chance to show himself honorable.  So many black men just want sex from black women too, but is seems that is not a consideration. 

I was largely unaware of the “black women’s lot in life is to suffer” programming.  I used to read Essence when I lived with my mom (her subscription) but alot of the messages slid right off of me due to the way I had been raised.  Besides that I’m just too selfish to give and give and give (and give) and get nothing in return.  I have neither the energy nor the inclination to “build-a-man”.  If you don’t have your stuff together, motivation and vision for your life, I don’t see how I can give that to you.  A woman can complement, encourage, and support a man.  But he has to be a man first, she can’t raise him.

I’ve never seriously entertained the “dating/marrying anyone but a black man makes you a sell-out” notion.  But apparently this has been a paralyzing fear for many women.  It just goes on and on. There are issues artificially limiting the mate pool for black women. 

So I hope Halima and Evia blog on.  I’ll continue with my own perspective on things, although my blog is not exclusively about interracial marriage.  Question for my readers out there (all 15 of you, lol).  Do you remember your first thought when you heard about interracial relationship blogs?  How do you feel about them now?  I’m interested in your views.


49 Responses to “Why an “Interracial Relationships” Blog?”

  1. oskana Says:

    I never thought it was weird. In fact what I thought was strange was that so many black men have their dating interacial sites yet not many black women have. Why is that? I have always been attracted to white men so I didnt understand why. However I will admit that the title of the sites may turn some off. Many of the articles that evia, halima, aimme, zabeth all talk about are about black women issues/concerns regardless of their interest in IRs. So those that are not interested in dating/marrying outside their race may never visit evia/halima sites and hence never get to hear their important message. Thats why when I tell a black woman about those sites I say “dont let the title fool you, just read the articles”.

  2. dive Says:

    I thought it was strange at first; what could you say after a while. I only take about interracial marriage sometimes, but from the feedback I get it seems a lot of Black women need the support of visibility. And the cool thing is I get to see other blogs.

    It is interesting to read about all the stereotypes people have and the mental walls they have built for themselves. So, I guess I enjoy the general community dialogue.

  3. When I first heard of it, I said, hey, this is about me, and other women like me, black women married to men who are white. I was curious to see what people thought of it in general, or thought about us.

    I never had a problem with dating interracially, especially once I started going to school, and most of the men I was around were white, because there were more black women in the colleges and universities I attended than black men.

    But I got hooked on the blogs once I started reading and hearing about the myths people have about black women dating interracially, and about black women in such relationships.

    I thought it would be a means of shedding light for those women who are considering dating interracially, or who are looking to shatter the myths about what it would mean for them, their lives, and the “community.”

    Like you said, magazines like Essence, and writers like Terry McMillan, have for years been teaching black women a shoddy black nationalism that as black women they have to think about uplifting the race first and foremost, and uplifting the race means uplifting black men and standing by them, regardless of the drama and pain that might follow. That is what good black women do.

    It’s as though wearing a badge of suffering is what black women should aspire to. Being “down” with the suffering confers an authentic blackness.

    It’s as though too many are afraid, unwilling to believe they are entitled to lives that are fulfilling in ways that are healthy and free of craziness. It’s as though we see craziness and drama as normal.

  4. wanda Says:

    I was like you. “How can you have a entire blog dedicated to dating a white guy? Get over yourself!” But reading the blogs and recalling articles I’d read, I realized that many black women don’t even consider dating anyone other than a black man, even if that means having a crappy man or being alone for years. Obviously I dont date, but even when I could, I never understood some of the men my friends would put up with. Or the situations.

  5. CreoleInDC Says:

    I STILL think it’s ridiculous and a borderline “fetish” site. I was HIGHLY offended when pictures of myself and my husband showed up over there and I sent them a cease and desist letter.

    That site is the reason I blocked access to pics of my guy and I together.

    Dating a white man is not something YOU SHOULD SET OUT TO DO JUST BECAUSE HE’S WHITE. You date a MAN who you are attracted to and who is attracted to you and some of the stuff I read over there annoyed me to no end.

    I have not been back and don’t intend on ever doing so. I don’t care if it exists…I just want NO PARTS IN IT. AT ALL.


  6. Sparkle Says:

    Hi…I’m new here, I think this is an interesting blog to read. About the topic, I am an avid reader of these IR blogs because 1. there are not only about interracial relationships. They do give practical advice about how black women in general need to think outside the box. There are black women who do have low self esteem and who do think no one will find them beautiful and seem to settle for men who have no ambition in life. No, the blogs don’t say you should set out to date a white guy, it said to OPEN your options. There are plenty of black women, (if you read the comments) who consistently dismiss a man of “another race” because he is none other than a different color. Why should that be? Two. I was never the type that said you date a white guy, “get over yourself”. I always take into consideration that there are socioeconomic factors that keep people apart and even if they wanted to date someone outside their “race”, there are family members who call you a sell out and society in general that are hell bent against your relationship. Some are lucky to live a racially tolerant neighborhood but others are not. We STILL live in a segregated society (if you are in the U.S) and it takes a certain fortitude to go against everything that other people have said about the “other race”, let alone date and marry them. Three. sites like the IR blogs, give people a little push. Again, to OPEN your options. Not everyone is like you. People need support, call that cowardice or whatever but these IR blogs are helpful to other people who never considered that there are men of all stripes who find black women beautiful. *steps off soapbox*

  7. CreoleInDC Says:

    This is so annoying. Again you have a situation where folks aren’t giving Black women credit and making it seem like we can’t think for ourselves. Well…we can. And I don’t buy that socioeconomic crap either. If you don’t want to date someone…then don’t and everyone knows they don’t HAVE to put up with a dang thing they don’t want to and THEY just have to make up their minds about it personally.

    I can’t stand the dumb ish these ignorant sites say. They are worse than Essence magazine making it seem like Black men are the worst of the worst and that white men are the key to the holy fricking grail. When you start thinking like that…you’re only going to make poorer choices than you’ve ever made. POINT BLANK.

    Open your mind and your heart yes…but don’t target men of a different race cuz you think all Black men are dogs. THAT’S.JUST.DUMB.

  8. Sparkle Says:

    Well…I don’t know which blogs you have been to but I disagree with you on your interpretation on the IR blogs. I don’t know where you get the idea that these kinds of blogs treat black men negatively. What Evia and others assert is to avoid all “Damaged beyond repair” men in general and start looking for men of quality REGARDLESS of color. There are black women in this world who do think NO ONE will find them beautiful and should accept men who treat them poorly because there is no one else in the world for them. If you have high self-esteem and know what you want in life,have goals,and a great man, that’s wonderful but I can’t ignore the other black women who need an extra arm. It was stated that “Folks aren’t giving black women credit.” If they’re people who are in loving relationships, that’s absolutely wonderful and I wish all the best to them but does that mean we should ignore those who are at a crossroads in their life and are looking for a change. This is what I think the blogs provide. Practical advice for those who feel they need it. I must add that the blogs are not soley on interracial relationships, neither does it say ALL black men are so and so… it also focuses on other black women issues and concerns which have thus far been very insightful. About the “socioeconomic crap” I am very much interested in those factors as well as the role of the media that have had on the dynamics of black women interactions with black men/white men and society in general because it does play a role indirectly in people’s lives but that’s just me. Other non-interracial blogs address this as well, most notably so far from what I’ve seen, the blog “Ruminations of a Racial Realist.” I feel you have taken a simplistic reactionary view towards those blogs without carefully analyzing its content. If that is how you feel, that’s fine but I like/enjoy it and support it because it does make a difference in SOME people’s lives. Feel free to disagree but I won’t reply any further because I already stated my opinion on this particular topic.

    I am enjoying this blog so far. I look forward to reading future entries. The other blog links provided are great.

  9. foreverloyal Says:

    –Monica, I’m going to need you to tell us how you really feel. All this beating around the bush isn’t cutting it. Tee-hee.

    Seriously though I see both sides. I read and agree with some of what Evia says and I read and agree with some of what Clare (Ruminations of a Racial Realist. She does not believe in interracial relationships period end of story) says. I’ve even been to the Diary of a Tired Black Man site and agree with some of what THEY say.
    I’m glad Evia took your pics down and am not surprised at all. She has good manners.
    One reason I don’t post pics of myself and family on the net is that you never know how they will be used. The owner of Multiracial Sky took pics of her family down after they were posted on some white supremacy site.
    I’m gonna end this now because I feel another blog entry coming on, and I really need to get started on my next sewing project. I wanna be Erica B. when I grow up. LOL.

  10. CreoleInDC Says:

    She can disagree cuz it’s not changing how stoopit I think they are. Black women don’t need a tutorial to get a WHITE man interested. Some of them need to focus on themselves to get ANY man interested. Period. THAT’S the ticket. Work on yourself and keep an open mind. When you say you’re only dating white men…that’s a closed mind.

    My father and brothers are Black men as are my two best friends so no one is going to tell me there are no good Black men so Black women should focus on white men cuz they are the prize. Just.DUMB.

    And no…I’m not the only opinion on it, of course but in my world it’s the only opinion that matters. Period.

  11. lee Says:

    Creole in dc

    I think you missing the point. Its to inspire black women to better themselves and know that they have options. Not many black women are as confident as you are unfortunately. The sites are not saying that white man are the prize or the black man ant ish. Its to point the imbalance that has been going on againt black women far too long. These article despite their web titles inspire black women to work on themselves as well without limiting their options. No its not as simple as you make it seem because otherwise we would not have 70% singleness black women outhere. We would not have so many out of wedlock births.

    So some people need help and these IR blogs help alot. Some dont date IRs and dont change their minds about it. However the articles that are written by evia,halima ect are inspirational wether your in IR or not.

  12. CreoleInDC Says:

    Okay…so I lied. I am gonna say sumptin else.

    “The sites are not saying that white man are the prize or the black man ant ish. Its to point the imbalance that has been going on againt black women far too long. ”

    You made my point for me. Who exactly has been subjecting Black women to this so called “imbalance?” According to these sites…it’s Black men.

    Love can’t be orchestrated in this way and when you find you try…what you get isn’t called love…it’s called SETTLE-ING!

    If you meet a white guy who you have chemistry with…by all means…GO FOR IT. But don’t go LOOKING to have something with ONLY white guys. It means you’re dumb. Simple.

    Okay…foreverloyal…I’m being nice…I promise. 🙂

  13. miss_eddy Says:

    You fall in love with who you fall in love with. You should be constantly evolving and growing and not settling for mess from any man of any race. I have met raggedy men in every shade but I can not judge any man based on the mistakes of one. Keep your mind open to love .. love an individual.

  14. Here’s the thing CreoleinDC, if my email is any indication, and I’ve been getting it for at least 10 years now, a LOT, and I do mean A LOT of black women are turning down perfectly decent guys just because they happen to be of a different race. I agree that no one should be looking for guys of a specific race, IMO, race-based preferences in either direction are bogus. These women specifically state that they did this out of loyalty to the black community. I don’t think it’s necessarily black men’s fault that black women are doing this, after all, many of the women have stated to me that they get a good degree of ugliness from other black women regarding this issue as well. Goodness knows I’ve heard more than my fair share of nonsense from both genders and then some.

    I further believe that it’s a lot less a loyalty issue than it is one of fear. I’ve had too many women tell me they only want a black man, and only a black man will do, until they’re approached by a decent man of another race, then all bets are off. These women are actually afraid that other men won’t be attracted to them. But that’s not a particularly honorable position. They’ll get far more sympathy if they claim that it’s a loyalty issue. Pure b.s. of course, but hey, some folk are so deep in denial they’re up to the crotch in crocodiles.

    I think everyone knows I’m very much so in favor of interracial dating, for all manner of reasons. Primarily because I believe a man, is a man is a man. I don’t agree with Evia much of the time, and have pointed out to both her and Halima that all this talk about black men is self-defeating. However, I do believe that blogs about interracial dating (and the message boards that came before, and the usenet groups that came before that) are beneficial. Contrary to popular belief this is not a new phenomenon. Black women have been congregating in various forums on the net to discuss IRing for the entire ten years I’ve been here. I can only assume that numbers have now reached critical mass and that’s why it’s receiving so much attention these days.

    There are a lot of myths and stereotypes out there that it would be in black women’s best interest to disabuse themselves of. The main one being that men of other races don’t find them attractive.
    I believe this notion leads to all manner of self-esteem problems and a ‘desperation’ amongst black women.

    Further, I don’t believe any of these blogs are telling black women to date white men exclusively. That would be foolish and again, self-defeating. What they are saying is that black women should avail themselves of the decent men that are out there, regardless of their race. Is it a perfect message? Nope. Do these women sometimes engage in hyperbole? Most definitely. But the central message that black women are shooting themselves in the foot (and the head) by rejecting men based on race is a sound one.

  15. tanyetta Says:

    I’m eating my popcorn reading the comments and saying WOW the entire time. 😉

  16. sparkle86 Says:

    This thread is funny. I wanted to post further but I was sensing some hostility from another poster, so I refrained from posting here for some time. I love the IR or black women blogs in general because it seriously addresses issues of black women that other blogs don’t consider. I do find several IR blogs extremely insightful, eloquent in its presentation, and just right on point. Sometimes, because of its title, people are turned off right away or immediately start judging the writer before actually reading its content. Unfortunately, when I carefully explained some aspects of the IR blogs I like to read or support, it is often met with oversimplistic counterarguments such as the blog says to date only white men or it says black men are so and so which are ABSOLUTELY NOT the case. I’m fully well aware that upon first impression, some people are just go berserk and head into defense mode and that’s unforunate because I hurts me to see Evia’s blog and others trashed on the account of misinformed or misinterpretated information. Those blogs do help people and are inspirational to some. I wish all black women had healthy loving relationships with any man of quality but it doesn’t always happen. Those blogs can at least help people think outside the box and say black women are beautiful and deserve more, we can muster up the confidence to not settle for low quality men but men of quality who will treat us with respect and love. We should have high self-esteem as black women and no one can keep you down. Some black women don’t feel they have a lot going for them and the IR blogs are helpful in that it is not soley about white men nor does it say white guys are “the end all, be all” neither does it say you have to look for only white men instead it is to set high standards of the men we decide to date (IR or not) with the goal of a long term committed relationship. It’s not for everyone but wow, can some people can be really mean and show such visceral hatred for one blog is extremely disturbing to say the least. I always when I elaborate on a topic maintain a respectful attitude and in no way do I resort to calling people names or cursing people out due to disagreements. It doesn’t look good on a blog anyway. *gets off soapbox*

    This has to be the longest post ever. 🙂 I would like to be a regular contributer poster.

  17. Cozy Sister Says:

    I’d never heard about these interracial dating sites until I read this post. Finally yesterday I clicked on the dateawhiteguy link (I agree, that name is a riot), and it seemed…really boring. “Look, here’s yet another picture of a black woman with a white man. You could be her! *swoon*” I’m white and while I obviously don’t date any more, allow me to say that we have our share of duds in the gene pool too. Learntovalueyourselfandmarryaworthyguywhateverhisrace.com would be interesting. You’regoodenoughtodatesomeonefromthesuperiorrace.com, not so much. But yet she has a few hundred comments on every post, so there are obviously some people out there who disagree.

  18. lara Says:

    Could all the anger and frustration also be because of the statistics that came out about black women being the least married and hence unwanted. I dont know about all of ya but I was sad and pissed to see/read/hear that my sitahs were doing poorly in the love department.

    Prior to the stats coming out majority of the moaning was more like “white women stealing our men”, “black men are dating/marrying out”, “black men are traitors leaving their sistahs. So it seems to me that majority of BW were already placing the blame on black men to begin with. So the blame was already there it just got worse when the stats came out.

    You know how it takes a tragedy to happen before ppl do something about the problem. The tragedy was the stats coming out about black women being least married compared to their white counterpart. Add insult to in jury by the fact that black men in higher income brackets marry out in greater numbers.

    So when all of these stats became more public and gain more attention the already boiling anger of black women EXPLODED. Hence why we are now seeing so much attention about BW in IRs. This explosion is now leading to everything from retaliation to exploration, discovery, and empowerment.

    So perhaps creoledc has a point when she said “folks are making it seem like black women cant think for themselves.” So my reply is well I dont think many black women can, not in the relationship department. I know thats harsh to say but Black women all over are excelling in everything from academia to the corporate world EXCEPT IN RELATIONSHIPS, why is that?

    So perhaps black women can not think for themselves in the relationship department, the stats proved this. The stats were a WAKE UP CALL, to do something now or it will get worse. BW need the tools to do so. There in lies people like evia, halima, aimme and many others. They provide the tools for many. They may not be perfect and you dont necesarily have to agree with them all the time but they make valid points that empowers others whether or not your intested in IRS. The focus from my point of view of those blogs are BW and limitations that have paralyzed them into fear.

    The black community whatever is left of it is dissolving into the abyss. This is both the fault of black men and black women. Hence why we are now seeing a rise of black blogging and activism that has been missing for a long time.

  19. lara Says:

    To cozysister,
    Since you are white woman please read the articles before you start making assumptions. We know there bad white men as they are bad black men. Bad men appear in every race. But you obviously judge to quickly simply by the title. The article touch upons many important views facing black women in the black community. So many are focus in valueing themselves and marry worthy guys. Thats the whole point. So go beyond the title and read the actual points, then come back and gives us your opinion rather than some meaningless opinion based just on reading the title. The more informed you become the more you will start to understand the true issue at large.
    Thank you

  20. sparkle86 Says:

    There will always be people who disagree with anything but try to make sense when stating your counterargument. Elaborate…debate… not oversimplistic dismissal of something that someone looked at for one day and already assumes they know what the blog is about. How can anyone be taken seriously when the dissenter has to resort to “one word” conclusions. There was another blog(non-IR) where the writer said an opinion on a political issue in which she then lost almost all of her supporters. Talk about disagreements!! It was crazy! Check out “What about our daughters” blog to find out.

  21. sparkle86 Says:

    My previous comment was a reference to cozysister’s comment,not lara.

  22. sparkle86 Says:

    Lara said: The black community whatever is left of it is dissolving into the abyss. This is both the fault of black men and black women. Hence why we are now seeing a rise of black blogging and activism that has been missing for a long time.
    Agree here, there is a HUGE rise in black blogs both by black women and black men on a number social, political issues that affects us. These blogs also helped in the Free the Jena 6 case. I never thought I’d see a reemergance in black activism. Check out http://homelandcolors.blogspot.com

  23. Cozy Sister Says:

    I did kind of hesitate in commenting on this post because I don’t really think there’s a way that a white woman can talk about this type of thing without stepping on nerves. I read this blog (foreverloyal) because I like it and find it interesting, and what I wrote was just an answer to the question (what did you think when you first heard of these blogs/what do you think of them now) posed in the post here. It’s true that I haven’t spent a lot of time reading that particular blog (dateawhiteguy), though I did go back and click beyond the front page after I read your response, Sparkle. But I do feel that I have as much of a grasp on the situation as an outsider can, due to other reading I’ve done as well as conversations with black friends. My first exposure to this issue was when I was trying to help a black American friend through a divorce after a very brief marriage to an Egyptian immigrant who she had married after failing to find a suitable black husband. I didn’t really know anything about this situation at the time, and I kept saying things that made her say “you don’t get it because you’re white” and I felt both mad that she’d said that and completely inadequate to help her. Now I know she was right. She was highly educated, multilingual, successful in her career, and owned a home. I have to admit that if she were white she would probably have had no trouble finding a suitable partner. After taking a look at some statistics that have come my way since then (it just happens that this issue has been discussed on several blogs I read; I hadn’t set out on a quest for this information), I can understand her situation intellectually, but on the emotional level all I can do is feel upset that she (or black women in general) has had to go through that; I’ll never be in the position of understanding it based on first hand experience.

    I’ll just note that my primary reason for interest in this topic relates to racism in the American Muslim community as a whole, and that my only experience on the issue relates to the American Muslim community.

    (The reference to undesirable white men was just my own comment, it wasn’t meant to refer to the linked blog)

    BTW, I’m married interracially too, but not to a black man. So I don’t face the same statistical challenges, but I do face some similar stigma.

  24. Cozy Sister Says:

    Oh, I should add that a web site like that should be useful for a specific amount of time, which is the amount of time required for someone to say “Oh, that’s a good idea. I’m going to broaden the pool of eligible bachelors.” But after that, it seems kind of obsessive to have a whole blog about it. I meant to say when I mentioned that I enjoy this blog (foreverloyal), that she mentions interesting day to day interracial things that come up, but it isn’t the entire point of the blog. It’s one part of an interesting life, and it’s given its space along with a balance of other topics.

  25. sparkle86 Says:

    Whose to say what a specific amount of time is? They’re people who are just now finding out about IR blogs. Again, if a blog is interesting, by all means, read it but I don’t see why people must feel somehow more superior or put down another person because this particular topic is what the writer is passionate about. There are many, many interracial group forums on my space.com and just the plain ol’ internet that specifically deal with IR between whites/blacks, whites/asians, and a host of combinations which garner no serious qualms about it other than from racists. However, somehow the (dateawhiteguy) blog which happens to involve black women is vilified. Somehow anything involving black women in general and her issues are seen as off kilter and therefore are expected to shut up about it. It’s a specialized niche and I guess I didn’t expect everyone to like it so it’s just not for everyone. It doesn’t mean it’s not useful. I’ve seen interracial forums/discussions before on many other different sites so I was never surprised this came along. I must say this is seriously the first time I have ever encountered negativity towards an IR blog or website where people were not overtly racist. Oh…and the (dateawhiteguy) blog is ONLY one blog which you are basing your entire opinion on. There are others which are IR in general but do focus on other black women issues/concerns.

  26. christy Says:

    Exactly what SPARKLE said. When it comes to issues of black women it seems to be vilified especially when it gets alot of attention, why I wonder. But there are all sorts of blogs outhere for various reasons. If someone wants to dedicate a blog to IRs then so what, whatever floats your boat. Other IR sites focused on black men IRs dont get nearly as much flack. Anyways moving on…

  27. Lanna Says:

    I just want to comment about the IR blogs. While the main focus is to promote “equal-opportunity dating” as an option for black women, the blogs tend to take a turn (especially in the comments section) about other political and economical situations that affect black women and the black community as a whole. Also, it’s interesting to get different perspectives on race relations and to educate yourself based on the comments and opinions of others.

    I’m just writing this because it seems that some of the other posters make it sound like everyone on these type of sites are making it their life mention to find and be with a white men, which is not the case. It’s merely to let black women know that what has been ingrained in us for some time now (by American society as a whole) is not necessarily the end-all, be-all. Like one poster mentioned, I have a lot of smart, beautiful black men in my family. I also have some rogue-ish types that give men in general a bad name. I’m from the South, so I’ve met white men who are caring and open-minded, but I’ve also known of ignorant red-knecks. I know some really cool Asian men that I wouldn’t mind dating if the opportunity presented itself. That’s the point of these blogs, that black women should be more open minded. I know that I’ve been told by friends and family that I should be with a black man, but at the end of the day it’s MY LIFE. I’ll end up with whoever compliments that, makes me happy, and loves me! I think this objective is overshadowed by the focus on white men, which is most likely due to the fact that the authors are married to white men; it’s not some “white men are gods” type of thing, it’s just personal experience/preference. And the fact that IR almost always makes someone jump to the conclusion of “white/black”, which we also need to change.

  28. Lisa Says:

    It’s a shame that as black women, and women period, we are not more supportive and loving of each other circumstances. Everyone has a different outlook, past experience, and future hope.

    I WILL stand up for Black Women!

  29. sparkle86 Says:

    Lanna said:
    And the fact that IR almost always makes someone jump to the conclusion of “white/black”, which we also need to change.

    Very True.

  30. Safiya Says:

    Salaam Alaikum,

    I think the blogs are an interesting read.

    I am a white Muslim convert married to a Syrian man, but I feel any differences we have are not because we are a different race, but because we come from very different countries. I think I would have more in common with a person of colour raised in the U.K, then a white guy from Siberia.

    So I guessed I’m flummoxed as to why IR relationships are such a topic of debate. Aside from the major social taboos that sadly still exist, surely nothing is more natural then meeting someone and falling in love?

    I apologise if I seem like a white girl that doesn’t get it and I’m not belittling anyone’s opinions. Just my thoughts and I have really appreciated reading everybody’s comments

  31. christy Says:

    I apologise if I seem like a white girl that doesn’t get it and I’m not belittling anyone’s opinions. Just my thoughts and I have really appreciated reading everybody’s comments

    Thank you for admitting that. You may not get it because your not in a racially opressed position, i.e a black woman lets say for example. Usually those who are not do not get it because they are not in the position to see it. Many white people dont realize their whiteness because its the “norm”. Put them in room filled with blacks only then do they realize it. As you stated many taboos still exist…

  32. In my opinion there need to be more IR blogs. People need to be more open about it so myths about IR relationships can be dispelled and negative attitudes can be put to rest. Keep the posts up foreverloyal and thanks for leaving a comment at my blog 🙂

  33. JohnN Says:

    An entire blog on the subject seems a little over the top, but why not. Her message needs to be heard. Nothing wrong with interracial relationships.

  34. Sasha Says:

    I think if overdone it becomes a novelty or fetish like but the site had good intention. Their is nothing wrong with it somepeople want to be more open than others. YOu can have people who take broadcasting to far. The main purpose is to inform peopl their are options its ok to have your feelings becasue in some cirles its equivalent to coming out (being in an IR). Its saying for the most part you have people who do it for shock value or self hatred, but the point is this does not define who you are men of all races are attracted to you and socio-economic backgrounds despite common folklore.

    Its like they get frustrated from responses want a forum and sometimes they dont have more to update becasue we crave “newness” for the sake of it but put more stuff up losing validity for readership.

  35. miriam Says:

    Hey there,

    if its not too late to jump in..

    I also thought it was strange. Like, how can someone blog post after post about this topic. And I also learned about those crippling indoctrinations that the African American community has been shackled to (many of them anyway).

    After I first saw Halima’s blog and stopped reading it. Months later, I came again to find it buzzing! Then I read it more carefully and realized it was doing its job. It was liberating alot of women that needed liberating! Kudos to them.

  36. mitch972 Says:

    I’ve never thought this blog topic was strange. There are things to discuss about your life as a IR couple. There is as much interest for black men dating IR and for the Black woman dating IR.

    I personally get approached by women who have never dated a black man, and want to get to know someone and their culture.

    Of course I blog about my IR dating experiences.
    (Foreverloyal: I deleted the link because it is :”targeted towards dating, online dating, interracial, social and sexual events. ” And I’m not tryin’ to link to anything connected to “sexual events” on purpose.)
    You’ll be surprised how much interest there really is on this topic.

    Keep up the good work.

  37. AZ Says:

    @ Creole

    “If you meet a white guy who you have chemistry with…by all means…GO FOR IT. But don’t go LOOKING to have something with ONLY white guys. It means you’re dumb. Simple.”

    No, I’m afraid it’s not always that simple. No one is dumb because they prefer one ethnicity over another, or because their desires don’t exactly reflect yours. I’m a white male and date only black women because black women are who I prefer. I won’t consider women of other ethnic backgrounds because I don’t desire those other women. Do you think I’m dumb, too? Hardly. Why does anyone like anybody? I’m attracted to black women exclusively because it’s what God placed inside of me.

    You don’t think there are black women who only prefer white men (without wrong motives)? There are, and what’s wrong with that? Why do you think anyone has to be open to more than one ethnicity for them to be considered intelligent, wise, or “enlightened”? Do you think white women are stupid because many of them choose to date only white men? Then why should you label black women who only prefer white men as “stupid”? People like who they like and are free to do so, and should be able to do so without the unfair labels you’ve been throwing around.

    Of course motives should be examined – as they would be in any relationship, across a multitude of issues, regardless of ethnicity – and although I understand what you were saying, please don’t call those black women or their desires “stupid” and “dumb” simply because the way they approach the opposite sex differs from you. Just because some black women prefer white men exclusively doesn’t mean there is lack of thought or an unwise motive behind it. Because dear, to label ALL of those women like you have been, is very short-sighted.

    Quite frankly, as a white male, it’s far more attractive and fulfilling to me personally to know that a black woman prefers white men. That can tell me a LOT about her commitment, loyalty, and desire for me.

  38. Ureb Says:

    I like dating white guys only & I would not admit to being dump or stupid thats what I like & dont thing their is anything wrong with that…..

    Currently dating no one so many black guys around but none has shown real interest in me to dark for them I suppose… Its funny here no so many guys here in africa are into very black women now women end up bleaching themselves to be lighter I would rather remain my colour & be loved for me

  39. mimi Says:

    I just found these blogs today. I am in my 30s and have a white boyfriend. Just celebrated our first anniversary. Interestingly I had never been in a relationship with a white man before, and he had never had a relationship with a woman of color either. We both realized that we were the kind of people who had never really closed ourselves to possibilities of interracial dating. Technically, I was not looking exclusively for a white guy and he was not looking exclusively for a black girl but we would not have opposed it if/when sparks flew. Race is not a problem in our relationship at all. It seems to not be a factor for our families either. His parents were delighted to meet me, and mine were overjoyed at his sense of humor. I am secretly grateful for living in the year 2009.

  40. li/bkmanofhonor Says:

    If you feel strongly about interracial relationships, then go for whoever you like.. you shouldn’t let anyone stop you.. I’m a lot younger and have a lot more tolerance for whatever that needs to be tolerated.

    Don’t we all want to have fun.. I’ve been up for anything, and I’m friends with those who feel the same. I don’t think color should be a factor, but the level of education is always the under-occurring factor which breaks or makes a relationship. You have to have the mindset to overcome whatever comes your way.

    Either you’re in or you’re out. And, those who don’t disagree with it will be left behind. Racism is only a form of ignorance. I pay no mind to it.

  41. Interracial Amour is a new dating service where professional and collegiate white men can search purposefully for sophisticated black women. In other words, the chase is on for beautiful black women. Visit us at http://www.interracialamour.com and read our campaign release statement.

  42. ASHLEY Says:

    hello.doesnt matter i love to see interracial couples..usually black women with white men

  43. The diverse one Says:

    I see nothing wrong with having interracial couples blogs.

    Ironically, When I came across this blog( along with Evia’s and Halima’s ), I was just looking for any blog that related to diversity/and or international affairs, but since I found all of these IR blogs to be quite interesting ,I continued to read them all.

    Far as my stand on interracial issues, I have no problems with it. I’ve recently graduated from college. The school that I’ve attended was extremely diverse. There were Black/White couples, even some that I would not have expected to be together, such as Japanese men/Black women or South Indian /Black women( I don’t mean to say that in a derogatory manner.Both are homogeneous cultures and it ‘s rare for both to marry outside of their race, especially with black people). I think it was the most beautiful thing to see.

    I grew up in Georgia and in spite of the stereotypes of my state and the rest of the Southeastern US, I never recalled being the target of blatant racial torment. My folks, who are both AA’s, raised me in an unintentional diverse life( it wasn’t forced on me. What ever they liked ,I liked ). Everything we did, whether it was music, going out, schools, it was all diverse. My pops, had this odd fixation about the Vietnam War, but not in the way you would think. Though nobody in our house was looking forward to hearing a depressing war story, one thing that I looked forward in him doing was talking about the cultural aspects of Vietnam . He made Vietnam( at the time when they were dealing with their issues) sound like Miami. He also traveled to Thailand and Indonesia. For some odd reason, I wanted to go to Indonesia. I’ve also been fascinated with Latin, and Middle Eastern cultures. My mom even told one of her friends that she would expected for me to be interracial relationship because of my of diverse thinking life.

    In my past, I would have the deepest crushes on White , Latino Asian, especially from South Asia, and Arab men.It wasn’t that I had negative feelings about Black men, there wasn’t hardly none around me to see the beauty in them at the time, but as time passed, I dreamed that I would marry a man that looked like pre-El Debarge or Ray Parker Jr.

    I’m older now and my thoughts have changed. I’m still for interracial couples as there are people in my family/friends that are in them. The only difference is seeing a GOOD man. A man of Latino descent asked me why wouldn’t I accept his date proposal. Initially, he thought that his race had a lot to do with it. Quite contrarily, He didn’t interest me as an individual( On the other hand if it was Adam Rodriguez that may be another story…). If he knew me, I’ve turned down dated by races of men I’ve encountered whether in my case, they we AA, Latino, Jewish or Filipino.

    Presently, I’m trying to get my life in order and doesn’t need a spouse at this time, but if I wanted it, I would not put race into it or anything else that has nothing to with being in a committed relationship/marriage . I just say that if he’s a good man , I will take him. He could be of another race ,nationality, social economic class religion.,we may never know what god’s idea of a good spouse is until he lets us know who they are.

  44. All that matters is the feeings between the two. Race shouldn’t be a factor.

  45. Andrea Says:

    what a beautiful photo. i’m a Black Woman who is currently dating a White man i’ve known for 22 years. i love him and i hope to be as happy as you all are. blessings.

  46. Scott Says:

    Hey everyone, thought this was a great blog post. I also have a blog on interracial relationships. Please vote in my poll on what has been the most difficult part of being in an interracial relationship has been for you:


    Thank you!

  47. Faith Says:

    It’s interesting to read this post nearly 3 years after it was published. I never read the Ruminations blog though I’ve heard plenty about it since. I had no idea all of this MESS was going on with some of these readers trying to BLOCK other black women from making sound choices and attacking the IR blogs. I really had no idea of the legacy of dissent and hostility present for many of the BWE/IR pioneers. I simply had something to say and started my own blog after reading WAOD. I’ve since found the others, having my own backlash of sorts but nothing compared to the other blog hosts. Wow.

  48. jfelx8 Says:

    hi, when it comes to interracial relationships, here is the thing. Let me first off say that i am a morrocan and brazillian mix. People often associate mixing races with the “grass being green on the other side in terms of economic, emotional, and physical reasons. That is most of the time not true. I think they’re should be an encouragement of same race couples as well. This whole notion of interracial marriages and relationships killing racism is the biggest bullshit to ever come out of humans mouths. for instance, if the whole world was white and seperated between blondes and brunettes, there would still be discrimination. just because you’re mixed does not make you more of a deity as people like to say than someone of the same race. Have you noticed that all of the heads of states of nations besides America tend to be the MAJORITY race of their nation. just something to think about

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