Women, What Would You Do?

October 11, 2007

infidelityYeah, I’m gonna talk about polygyny again.  Today it’s about what would YOU do if your husband went behind your back and married someone else. This article has some tips and ideas which may help some:  http://bigfaith.wordpress.com/category/coping-with-polygyny/ in sum, remain calm and hold fast to your faith. 

I was discussing the topic with my husband, saying that some people thought this sort of behavior was not necessarily grounds for divorce.  He disagreed, as did I. 

Here is my reasoning:  marriage is a big decision.  The decision to enter into a polygynous arrangement is even more so, because there is an existing marriage and possibly children at stake.  IMHO, for your husband to make such a huge decision about something that affects you so profoundly, without discussing it with you at all, is indefensible. (Assuming you are not in a coma, mentally retarded, etc.)  Like I said to my dh, if he can do that, what else does he feel entitled to make decisions about without consulting the wife? “By the way honey, our daughter is going to boarding school in Bulgaria, I put her on the plane this morning”?  “We’re moving across the country next week.  Rent a truck and pack up the house”?

There is supposed to be some level of trust, security in a marriage.  I don’t see how you can have either with a man who will marry again behind your back.

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6 Responses to “Women, What Would You Do?”

  1. safiya Says:

    Salaam Alaikum,
    Someone mentioned men doing this at a recent talk. The sister sitting next to me said “If my husband did that I’d skin him alive”.
    As fond as I am of Mr Outlines, I would have to agree with that statement.

    Getting Married to someone else behind your wife’s back is a wicked, evil thing to do. It makes me boil with anger that some weak men (who probably can’t support the wife he already has)do this and use our beautiful deen to justify it.

    How can you do something that would hurt so much the women you are meant to care about most? How can you do that to another human being?

    It is stated that men who are unjust to their wives will be raised up on Yawm Al Qiyamah with half their body withered.
    These men should obey Allah swt, not what is in their pants.

  2. ummadam Says:

    For the most part, I think that the men who do this already know that the wife will not go anywhere. It shows no respect for the wife.

  3. miriam Says:

    I could be wrong but, to go behind the wifes back goes against almost all religions and faith! Its not so much the polygamy, but the sneakiness and the distrust it creates.


  4. I’ve been reading some recent cases from Pakistan which explained that it could be grounds for a divorce: failing to talk to the wife creates an enmity in the marriage.

  5. Dawud Says:

    But the scholars say that the man getting married to another wife is none of your business; and he doesn’t have to say anything to you.

  6. foreverloyal Says:

    Goody for me that I don’t give a flying flip about illogical opinions.

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