Stay Away from Me and My Kids

October 20, 2007

stopBlog surfing, I came across a post where a desi woman discussed colorism issues in that community.  She spoke of two little girls, sisters.  One is significantly fairer than the other.  The fair one is showered with bangles and other gifts.  The dark one gets… exactly… nothing. Zip.

I remember blogger and romance author Roslyn Holcomb expressing several times that she would not allow people who blatantly express their color issues into her children’s lives.  Not even if they were family.  I have to agree.  If my children’s emotional development is my responsibility, how could I allow them to be damaged like that?  By accepting gifts for one child while allowing the other to be given nothing, that is what those parents are doing.  Even if they tell their children all day everyday that all skintones are beautiful, no one is better because they are fair, blah blah blah, actions speak louder than words.

And their actions are saying:  “Your sister is lighter and therefore more worthy of affection, caring treatment and gifts than you are.”

We have an obligation not to feed our kids that kind of poison.  Such a message is poison from anyone, but is all the more lethal when received from friends and family.  They are closer to our children, and our children naturally crave their affection and approval.  Like Ms. Holcomb, I wouldn’t knowingly allow people to spread their poison to my children.  Those grandparents would shape up, and fast, or they could take their bangles and their trinkets and get out of our lives.

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6 Responses to “Stay Away from Me and My Kids”

  1. Sofia Says:

    Assalam alaikum, i really enjoy reading your blog!

    wow that’s soo sad, especially when it affects children. I had a similar experience when i started practising my white friend who also started practising was given clothes, hijabs, books, invites for dinner and even got shown pictures of women’s sons who wanted to get married, while i was given zilch. sadly i’ve experienced more racism from muslims than from non-muslims. For some reason, well over here in England, the muslims are really hooked on the colour of your skin! which is why many black sisters are finding it really tough when it comes to finding a husband.

    Sofia

  2. safiya Says:

    I’m reminded of The Specials’ song Racist Friend: chorus “If you have a racist friend… now is the time for your friendship to end”.

    You are so right, words are fine, but they have to be backed up by actions.

  3. muslim_gal Says:

    assalamu alikeum

    Sofia, sorry that happened to you. i’d love to say you were wrong but sadly your right and seen that stuff happen to many times. What part of england are you from though? If you live in london, i could post you up the name of some decent masjids where inshallah you would be welcomed, the way a muslim should.


  4. I totally agree with you.

    I would not allow such people into the lives of my children either. It damages children and affects their self esteem into adulthood.

    If relatives have issues with color and show it, they need to stay away.

  5. Sofia Says:

    wa alaikum salam,

    thanks muslim_gal, i’m from London. to be honest i’ve gotten used to the treatment and i’ve made some fantastic friends with white, black, indonesian, somali etc sisters but i think a lot of black sisters, like myself, are finding the marriage scene tough and limited due to the plain and simple fact of being black!! Whereas from what i’ve heard black women in America have a wider pool to choose from if they want to marry white, hispanic, asian etc.

  6. DineBoo Says:

    How horrible. I remember something similar with my niece, who has fair complexion, and her sister (not my niece biologically) was darker. Her mother just showered my niece with praise and how she wished she never she had the other sister. My mother, rest her soul, always got onto my niece’s mother case about that, saying that the sister should never hear that. She even made sure my niece’s sister was treated fairly when she came around.

    My mother called this being color struck. I don’t want this around any of my future kids.

    -DineBoo

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