Just thought I’d post, real quick, the foremost two bits of “knowledge” that prompted the previous entry.

One- Someone said that a scholar told them, if we had to choose between the Qur’an and the Sunnah to remain while the other was lost, it would be better to have the Sunnah because it is more detailed.

Secondly- I read that one of the scholars said that a woman should not dance for her husband, because if she would dance for him then she would dance for other men as well.

The first one is shocking because, as I have always understood it, there is a protection on the Qur’an but not on the hadith.

The second one was disturbing mainly due to it’s flawed logic.  “If she would do it for her husband, she would do it for another man” is a VERY good argument against women being allowed to be sexually intimate with their husbands.

As I said before, I can only hope that these men were misquoted/misunderstood.


Check Your Brain at the Door

November 20, 2007


Allah gave me a brain.

I’m inclined to think that he meant me to use it.

Yet I hear of those muslims who are basically telling other muslims  not to think.  I remember a discussion in which I said a particular  hadith did not make sense to me  in light of the Qur’an’s views on the same subject.  The response was basically “Astaghfirullah!  Now we are all scholars and are qualified to make pronouncements on the validity of hadith”.

No, I am not a scholar.  I am, however, a muslim with healthy brain function.  As my husband says, the Qur’an is full of exhortations and encouragements to “consider this” and “ponder that.”  But after you become muslim many people expect you to pick a scholar or group of scholars, shut your brain off and take everything they say as divine truth.

Not happening over here (insha’allah), sorry.

This is my life and my afterlife we are talking about here, and I’m the one responsible for it.  If you want to come at me and tell me I have to do X, Y, and Z, then bring your proof from the Qur’an and Sunnah.  And if I think that the Sunnah is contradicting the Qur’an on a particular issue, you ought to be able to explain clearly why I am mistaken.  If you can’t, don’t be surprised when I don’t defer to your position.  And if you think you have and I don’t agree, you are just going to have to live with that.

I have heard some crazy stuff attributed to scholars, and I can only hope that someone was mistranslating or making those things up because they defy logic, and in some cases seem to directly contradict the Sunnah.  To take those things at face value, to believe them at all would require you to either 1) not be very bright or 2) have your brain in a jar somewhere.

In any case, I’ll be keeping mine inside my cranium, thank you.

Who Are You?

November 16, 2007

identity-crisis_130.jpgRecent comments that I have read here and there on the ‘net lead me to ask, who are you?

What is your STRONGEST identifier?


Muslim/Jewish/Christian/(insert “zoroastrian” and other religions here)

Black/White (whatever “race”)

Pakistani/American/(whatever nationality)


And why?

bridal-couple.jpgI always hear people giving the advice:  don’t worry, your time will come.  God is preparing your mate/preparing you.

I read it most recently at:  http://uniquemuslimah.wordpress.com/2007/11/06/and-they-lived-happily-ever-after/#comments  It’s a nice sentiment, and I know it is said to comfort the lonely, those who want to get married so badly.  But is it true?

Aren’t there people who go their whole lives, never finding “The One”? 

What do you think?  I’m going to think about this.  I wasn’t even going to blog today and really have to attend to other matters, but I thought I’d throw that out there.


I find illogical arguments irritating. 

Some people seem to have the idea that once you marry a white person, your blackness and any attachment you may have to it or to black people magically disappears. 

You can’t express concern over the effects of media images on black children because “your children are biracial.”

You needn’t worry about men d.w.b. (driving while black) because your husband is white.

Suddenly, you just aren’t all that black.

As Spock might say:  illogical.

My skin is the same shade of brown it always was.  My brothers, father, and most of my cousins are still black.  My mom, most of my aunts, uncles–still black.  My children, “mixed” as they may appear, are still part of me and will be seen by many as simply “black”.  And guess what?  Black children grow up to be black men and women, imagine that!

How strange that I would continue to take a personal interest in blackness and black people…NOT!

Of course, oftentimes the ignoramuses that make such comments don’t really believe it themselves.  Especially if they start mouthing off at a social event with alot of other black people.  They’re just trying to make you look bad, trying to alienate you from the group.  Planting little seeds of doubt and seeing if something sprouts.  Something about the choices you have made in your life is making them uncomfortable.  They want to pass a little discomfort back to you.

When you realize the motive it becomes less irritating and more amusing.  Which is good, because I don’t like being irritated.  I’m very comfortable.  My choices have me feeling like I’m wearing silk robes, relaxing on a chaise lounge before a roaring fire on a cold winter evening.  A fleece throw over my knees, and in my hands, a mug of hot apple cider with a cinnamon stick. 

They can keep their discomfort.  Choke on it. Wear it like a hair shirt, whatever.  Because their illogical statements don’t stop this party. 

The Jacket

November 1, 2007

patent What you wear sends a message about who you are.  We would like to think that people judge us only on what’s inside, but that just isn’t the case.  Every fashion choice you make is a word, a sentence, some kind of punctuation.  We all make fashion choices everyday, even if we think we are unconcerned with such trivial things.  If you spend time perusing the vogue and glamour to get tips and then put on the latest trends, it says something.  If you throw on whatever is clean, it says something.  Sometimes what you are saying when you get dressed and what other people “hear” when they see you are totally different.

Nothing brought this home to me more than a fashion choice I made some years ago in college.

I was at the mall with friends, shopping at one of those teeny bopper stores, when I saw The Jacket.  I fell in love.  It was (fake) black patent leather done in “jean jacket” style.  Elena said,”Oh ha ha funny. You aren’t really going to buy that.” She was shocked when I walked out with it.

When I walked into the cafeteria the next day wearing my new purchase, Sandra said sarcastically: “You can really tell Foreverloyal is muslim with that jacket on.” Whatever chick! I went right on about my business.

I started getting catcalled.  Dudes trying to approach.  It was uncomfortable.  None of this had ever happened before The Jacket.  But that couldn’t be the cause, could it?  It was just a dang jacket!  I didn’t want to stop wearing it.  It was shiny and happy and fun, like me.  So I kept wearing it.  And I kept getting the same reactions.

Clearly I thought the long skirts, scarves and the jacket were saying: “Happy, fun (not that it’s any of your business), practicing muslima.”  But alot of people were seeing “Happy, fun muslima, but maybe not-so-strict. You’ve got a shot! Go for it.”  As much as I loved that jacket, I had to let it go.  I put it in a bag gave it to the thrift store, hoped it would find a good home. 

Black patent leather is back in.  Foreverloyal is all grown up and married.  I wonder what a long skirt, scarf, wedding ring, tribe of children, and a black patent leather jacket would say?