“What Do YOU Care? You Married a White Man!”

November 6, 2007

spock

I find illogical arguments irritating. 

Some people seem to have the idea that once you marry a white person, your blackness and any attachment you may have to it or to black people magically disappears. 

You can’t express concern over the effects of media images on black children because “your children are biracial.”

You needn’t worry about men d.w.b. (driving while black) because your husband is white.

Suddenly, you just aren’t all that black.

As Spock might say:  illogical.

My skin is the same shade of brown it always was.  My brothers, father, and most of my cousins are still black.  My mom, most of my aunts, uncles–still black.  My children, “mixed” as they may appear, are still part of me and will be seen by many as simply “black”.  And guess what?  Black children grow up to be black men and women, imagine that!

How strange that I would continue to take a personal interest in blackness and black people…NOT!

Of course, oftentimes the ignoramuses that make such comments don’t really believe it themselves.  Especially if they start mouthing off at a social event with alot of other black people.  They’re just trying to make you look bad, trying to alienate you from the group.  Planting little seeds of doubt and seeing if something sprouts.  Something about the choices you have made in your life is making them uncomfortable.  They want to pass a little discomfort back to you.

When you realize the motive it becomes less irritating and more amusing.  Which is good, because I don’t like being irritated.  I’m very comfortable.  My choices have me feeling like I’m wearing silk robes, relaxing on a chaise lounge before a roaring fire on a cold winter evening.  A fleece throw over my knees, and in my hands, a mug of hot apple cider with a cinnamon stick. 

They can keep their discomfort.  Choke on it. Wear it like a hair shirt, whatever.  Because their illogical statements don’t stop this party. 

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7 Responses to ““What Do YOU Care? You Married a White Man!””


  1. Hey FL,

    So true!

    I have some people like that in my extended family, known for similar antics. I joking refer to them as the board members of “Is she black enough hysteria” group.

    My extended family is very racially diverse and mixed. Several of my uncles are IRM, as are my cousins, other immediate relatives and so on. So you would think that the “losing blackness” drama and silly comments would be not come up at family gathering, but they do–thanks to the ‘blacker than thou’ testers group **zzzzzzz

    Who really cares what they get all twisted about *yawn* I wish they knew what little weight we ALL give to their personal attacks, name calling and their drama **zzzzzzzzz

    I sometimes wonder how these bitter relatives can enjoy life since they have all this bitterness crushing their souls. At family gatherings, most of us generally AVOID them like the plague.

    They are wayyy tooooo negative and who has the time to change their unsupportable perceptions? AND most of all (selfishly), I do not want their negative energy to interfere with my FUN.. Let them stew in it misconceptions, it’s theirs anyhow 🙂

    I have a particular relative who is the chair person of the ‘Blackness loss checking” group.
    She is IR married which makes her all the more peculiar; it is clear her personal attacks and remarks are a reflection of HER own unresolved past, baggage/personal issues and have nothing to do with anyone else, least of all me. Oh, well.

    Me, I go to social events to have a jolly GOOD TIME, sample all the food and above all to DANCE like I am getting paid for it LOL. Boy, do I let down my hair (oops, I mean my wig) 😀 .. and despite the best efforts of the chairperson of the ‘Blackness lost tester’ group, I thoroughly enjoy mingling and sharing time with my other wonderful relatives.

    Instead of wasting time on this particular relative and her bitter crew (who seem to be getting even more miserable with each passing reunion)I have been working very hard—at family socials– to learn some baaaad Senegalese dance moves–with the help of my lithe teenage relatives ….AND *drummmm rolllll please*… I am happy to announce that at the last family gathering, I became officially known as “da dancing mama”… *LOL

    Cheers and have a great day!


  2. OOps..I did not know it was so long…

  3. CreoleInDC Says:

    I’m quick to remind folks that yup…I’m STILL Black and that ain’t changing no time soon. Idjits.

  4. sparkle86 Says:

    I find those kinds of arguments ridiculous. I have relatives who are IR married (mostly to white women) and my family never ever gave the impression that they and the children were any “less black” (what does that even mean?) than the rest of us.

  5. foreverloyal Says:

    Gee bumblebee, thank you for that intelligent and thought-provoking response.

  6. Natia Says:

    very true, if anything being with a white person only heightens your concerns, makes you more aware of your heritage, etc. People don’t seem to realize that for a healthy interracial couple
    black/white , alot of soul searching is involved on many levels, maybe not for these younger kids
    , but for women my age, i am 30. I am always wondering what does he know of black culture, history
    and watch out for men just out for “something new”. i have met alot of nice men from different races, and some not so nice ones 2, that goes for white, black latino, asian, indian, arabic what have you. to be valued as a person and as a woman is my concern, to have respect for each other’s
    differences is another

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