Something New Isn’t Always Something Good–thoughts part III (and last)

January 20, 2008


I was going to make some meaty and profound post but I really have to get the laundry done, folded, ironed and put away so I’m going to make this quick.

 I appreciate that there is a shortage of upper-middle class black men, and understand that some black women prefer interracial dating over dating a “lower-class” brother.  I just hope that those black women who are undecided on this issue will do some serious thinking.

Again let me state that I can only speak for myself.  I didn’t marry my wonderful hubby because of any shortage.  I got married pretty much right after college, back then all this “shortage”  talk was quiet if not nonexistent, or at least I don’t remember it.  As to the money thing, everyone has their standards of what is acceptable, desirable, and what is too low to even be considered.  We have them about money, height, (I don’t see to many women expressing a desire for short men or little people), looks, health.  If I had been sixty pounds overweight and on oxygen I am sure my husband would have said, “Next!”  There is not a thing wrong with wanting a man who can provide a certain level of comfort and stability for you and your future children.  Me, I wanted a modest house in a safe neighborhood with the means to stay home with the kids.  Luxury cars and designer handbags, etc. are not my thing so I don’t care about having enough money for that.  If someone else decides she wants more than that, that’s her.  She just may get it.

Some people think that Clare is undercover trying to say “Don’t do it!” Maybe she is.  Some of her points are well-taken and there is certainly nothing wrong with giving them a little consideration.  Like I’ve said before I am real happy over here.  Go over to CreoleInDC’s spot and tell me what she and Robby have isn’t real. (Don’t go trying to post her pics on IR websites though). My mom is married to a black man and she is also very happy.  We all need to examine our own needs and our own standards and go from there.  If you want to widen your pool to white/asian/whatever, fine.  If you don’t, fine. Everything isn’t for everybody.

Some people have never tried Thai food and may have heard from friends that it is yucky, weird, the service in the restaurants is rude and slow, etc.  They may have been put off thai food for this reason.  Then they pass by a restaurant and decide to try it.  Surprise, the food is different but delicious and the service is great.  Or they might try it and decide no, they really DON’T like thai food and rice noodles make them gag.  They may never try it, stick to their favorite steakhouses and italian spots and be perfectly happy.  Whatever.

I’m not about to start wagging my fingers and warning black women that if they don’t date “out” they are doomed to a life of misery and babymammadom.  Such a statement would be offensive and more importantly, false.

 Any woman would do well to heed Clare’s advice to do some serious thinking, but I would add that such advice needs to be applied across the board.  Marriage is not a joke.  Something New isn’t always something good. True. Something Old isn’t always something good. 

If you find yourself single and are ready to be married, make an honest evaluation of yourself first, and then do Something.



6 Responses to “Something New Isn’t Always Something Good–thoughts part III (and last)”

  1. LH Says:

    Great points here. The reasons that people come up with to “explain” IR dating and to “justify” dating within one’s race are often ridiculous.

  2. Hmmm… just to add…..

    I think that marrying who ever you please is a personal decision, however since we are American and race is a constant issue in most of our lives; it is unrealistic to think that interRACIAL relationships do not have some dynamics/intricacies which propel them into being discussed and viewed by some, on a more macro level.

    Yes, the absurd legislation whichprevented IRM’s has been repealed, but the socialeffects of “societally accepted and sometimess sanctioned” separation and “purity of races” still exists. *sigh*… So IMO, using a more macro/“fundamentalist” approach in discussing IRM’s is not unusual. It is simply viewing a situation from a different and broader perspective.

    Gotta run!

    Have agreat week!

  3. pioneervalleywoman Says:

    Did you see the response from that woman who was willing to remain single, because of her fear of what “people” might say? She believed that her only options were to marry a white man or remain single, and she was more than willing to remain single out of racial solidarity. I thought I saw someone by your “keyboard name” respond….

  4. foreverloyal Says:

    Yes, I saw that and it was me who responded. I understand it would bev galling to “prove people right.” But I can’t see letting that stop me from being happy. I can’t see that as sufficient reason to be alone forever.

    It’s sad but it’s her life.

  5. peacefulmuslimah Says:


    Find love wherever you can. It is rare and yet a fundamental need. My family is racially mixed and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    God Bless and salaam alaikum,

  6. Anonymous Says:

    There is nothing wrong with black women dating white men.We should think outside the box after all we are all people.Its not about having the mixed kids its about finding who makes you happy and complete as a person.

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