On Stolen Crowns and Getting Up When You’re Down

December 27, 2008

In response to Khadija’s call for suggestions, what can medium/darker black women do to counter the effects of colorism on their psyches, my humble contribution:

1)  Watch your mouth:  Discard any negative vocabulary pertaining to your appearance.  Get used to using positive words to describe yourself and your features.  Rich, deep complexion.  Luminous dark skin. Dark, mysterious eyes.  Hair as fluffy and sweet as cotton candy (you can thank Mr. Foreverloyal for that one.  https://foreverloyal.wordpress.com/2007/08/27/like-cotton-candy/)

2)Get a new mirror:  Well, not literally.  Though I suppose you could get a little silver-plated handheld mirror for this exercise.  From today forward, spend 3 minutes.  Look in the mirror and note every beautiful thing about yourself.  Even if you don’t quite believe it.  Use the positive terms from exercise #1 above.  Do it everyday.

3) Love yourself:  Take care of you.  Embrace the fact that you are worthy of self-care.  For those of you who are religious at all, ask yourself, “Did Allah/God/Great Spirit/etc. give me this body for me not to take care of it?  I should treat this gift with respect.  I deserve the best food I can afford.  I deserve five minutes with a ped egg and a tube of vaseline.  I deserve 30minutes with Tae-Bo or the treadmill or the bike paths in my neighborhood.  I would be terribly ungrateful NOT to take care of me.

Oh here’s another.  When someone makes an unfavorable comment about your skin, hair, etc. Don’t say anything.  Just give them look of pity and shake your head, as if encountering a dead deer on the side of the road.  Nothing you can do but keep driving.

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4 Responses to “On Stolen Crowns and Getting Up When You’re Down”

  1. midori Says:

    Foreverloyal, thank you for putting up this up because a few weeks ago I tried in vain to find the cotton candy post! Please tell Mr. Foreverloyal thank you for that description, I’ve frequently patted my fro and thought sweet like cotton candy!


  2. I haven’t had any colorism issues, but I definitely intend to apply this to my body image issues. I don’t want my son growing up with a mama who hates her body. It can’t be good for his little psyche.

    I do have one to add though. Since my son is biracial, he’s had comments about his ‘pretty light skin’ and ‘good hair.’ I work diligently to keep him away from people with that mindset. Including relatives. That crap is toxic. Just as I wouldn’t feed my baby something poisonous, I won’t let poison enter his mind either.


  3. BTW, I’m pretty much going to have to steal that ‘fluffy and sweet as cotton candy’ line. It fits perfectly into my current work in progress. Thank Mr. FL for me.

  4. foreverloyal Says:

    Ok Roslyn, but we want royalties! 😉

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