Why a Black Woman?

March 21, 2009


November 21, 2007 at 9:29 pm

This reminds me of when a friend and I were in Jubail a few years back.

We were invited to a village, and upon entering went to the masjid as it was maghreb. After the prayer, the guy that had invited us to the village introduced us to one of his uncles. Now this uncle was very friendly, spoke reasonably good English, and seemed to be pretty pious. We got talking and he asked if we were both married. Upon affirming this, he asked where our wives were from, and this is how the rest of the dialogue went:

Us: Yeah, they’re from England.

Him: Are they British?

Us: Yeah.

Him: White, ya’nee?

Us: erm.. no, they’re both Somali.

Him: Somali?! You mean….. black woman ya’nee?!

Us (looking at each other, quite bemused): Yeah…

Him: Lot’s of people in the west marry black woman…. but WHY?!

Shit man… astaghfirullah. I thought ‘My dad’s friggin black you racist bastard… why the hell wouldn’t I wanna marry a black woman?’

It has affected me, as whenever I’m asked where my wife’s from I always keep it to, ‘England’ and she’s ‘British’. Not because I’m ashamed of her, but because I don’t want to have to smack the crap out of another Muslim if they respond in a worse way than that guy did.

(I found the above on Umar Lee’s blog)

I have written in the past (https://foreverloyal.wordpress.com/2007/09/04/say-it-loud-im-jahil-and-proud/) that whenever you see a white muslim man, odds are good, very good that his wife is a black woman.  Some people are confused by this phenomenon.  I’ve read some negative theories as to why this may be the case.  Allow me to offer my own thoughts. 

1.  Black is beautiful

2.  White guys have eyes

Muslim or not, terribly religious or not, men have eyes.  And black women,  like the other women that Allah has created, are beautiful.  Say what you want, all these white converts marrying black women aren’t doing it as an act of charity.  They aren’t doing it because they’re a bunch of wishy washy, nambypamby emotional weaklings who wish to suffer under the oppressive domination of a nagging, shrewish, “strong black woman.”  (No wise person is going to mistake Mr. Foreverloyal for a wimp.  Laughable.  Nor do I get that “wimpy” vibe from the white husbands of any of the muslim sistas I know.)  They marry these women because they’re attracted to them and want to spend their lives together. DUH!

Those who’s lives are restricted by colorism are blind.  They will forever be shaking their heads, “why did that white convert marry a black woman?”

Can’t be that the sound of her laughter reminds him of a woodland stream.

Can’t be her smooth, unblemished skin.

Can’t be because when he told her his dreams, she looked him in the eye and said, “You can do it.”

Can’t be that they agree, Benjamin Sisko was the best Star Trek captain.

Can’t be because she wants 7 children and a backyard garden just like him.

Can’t be because she can make schnitzel for dinner on Tuesday and fried chicken with mashed potatoes and buttermilk biscuits on Wednesday.

Can’t be because she knows the difference between Kant and Kiekegaard.

Can’t be because she makes her 5 daily prayers diligently.

Can’t be because she’s got hair like cotton candy–and he loves cotton candy.

Can’t be the way she hums Billie Holiday when she’s washing the dishes.

The exchange with which I opened this post would be hilarious if it wasn’t so sad.  The poor man really could not see the appeal in black women.  That’s fine really, because there are  plenty of other women for men of his type.  What’s sad about it is that he could be rude enough, and forgetful of his Islam enough, to imply that black women are inferior to others.  That he could insult his brother in Islam like that is a real cause for finger-wagging.

Why a black woman?  Well if you can’t see why I won’t waste my time trying to explain it to you.

*Goes off singing…  “Me I’m super fly, supadupa fly…ahem–masha’allah”


10 Responses to “Why a Black Woman?”

  1. fullmoonoffaith Says:

    Boy, do I love your blog. ❤
    I was thinking of interracial marriage today while busting some suds in the kitchen. That maybe I was a little odd for thinking about it in the first place. I began to wonder if that was something that was unattainable for me. I’m in one of the most culturally diverse cities in America but there’s no unity among us. As far as I can tell, there are no IR couples here that involve a black woman and that’s discouraging in itself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure there are some eligble, intelligent, religious Muslim men out there that are the same color or hue as me but for right now, the ones near me aren’t that appealing. Furthermore, I don’t see how I can possibly break the barrier of the racial hiearchy that I come in contact with in the Islamic communities around here, regardless of how much compassion, insight, and proper adab I may show. Mulling over the close-mindedness of the people I’m supposed to identify most with is turning my brain to mush and flaring my temper. I swear, I’m showing early signs of Angry Black Woman Syndrome.

  2. foreverloyal Says:

    As-salaamu-alaikum fullmoonoffaith!
    Thank you for the compliment.

    Myself, I preferred a Western man, especially American. “Race” wasn’t a barrier, but there are real challenges with intercultural marriages. At the time I was looking, immigrants were eligible if they had come to the US while still pretty young. I hadn’t considered the challenges an intercultural extended family could bring. Considering that, a non-Westerner would NOT be on the top of my list.

    Oh sure there are exceptions, great guys with cool families. As far as I can tell they are not the norm.

    My suggestion to you would be to join several online muslim matrimonial sites. Do you have friends in other cities? Maybe they know some good single brothers looking to get married.

  3. fullmoonoffaith Says:

    Hm, no, not really. I’ve asked my Jordanian friends to keep an eye out for me but who knows how that will work out?

  4. I do love that ‘hair like cotton candy line.’ I told you I was going to use it in my book and I did. (Don’t worry, you’ll get a free copy. Besides, I owed you for giving me information about Muslimahs anyway. lol)

    I still don’t know when the book will be coming out, but I can’t wait to see what you think of it. I think you’ll recall it’s about a black woman from a fictional Arab country and a white American Marine.

  5. foreverloyal Says:

    Oh I didn’t know she was black. I just assumed she’d be an arab of the expected phenotype.

    You’re putting the “cotton candy” reference in that book?

  6. Oh, no, the character is definitely black. But now that I think about it, I used the cotton candy line in another book. The one about the helicopter pilot and the baker. Geez, I owe you two books.

  7. midori Says:

    Foreverloyal, it’s been a while since I’ve stopped by but I love this post. And you know I love the cotton candy description!

  8. Wow,

    I was really intrigued by this blog until I read this:

    Oh sure there are exceptions, *great guys with cool families. As far as I can tell they are not the norm.*


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