Stop hesitating, stop putting off ACTION.

You’re not going to trim down, get a good man, become “flawless”, advance in your career, become financially stable, make new and interesting friends, or anything else by just SITTING there.

Get off your hindparts.


Eight Years Ago Today

September 11, 2009

September 11,  2001


Eight years ago today I was in complete shock.

The towers fell.  And I was horrified.

I was told my cousin was supposed to be in the area that morning.  And I was terrified I’d never see her again.

Muslims of all nationalities were being threatened and attacked. I stayed at home with my toddler for a month.  It was unreal, being seen as a foreigner in my country, a land my family has called home for generations beyond memory.

After a month or so, I was able to reach my cousin.  She hadn’t been there.  I heard that another cousin, one I’d never met, was in the area and lost his life.  I ventured out of the house again, with my husband the first few times.  No incidents.

Life has gone back to normal, but I always worry.  If it will happen again.  Where.  How many lives will be lost.  What family or friend will I lose.  If I will be safe walking down the street with my children.


September 9, 2009

The author and host of Black Female Interracial Marriage, Evia has been unafraid to champion freedom of choice for African American women in the marriage arena.  Her essays aren’t always agreeable (I’ve “ouched” my way through a few of them in the past) but as she always says, “Take what you can use and trash the rest.”

She has inspired bloggers such as Gina from What About Our Daughters, and her essays were helpful to Khadija of Muslim Bushido, after she had an awakening of sorts.  (I even started blogging after she urged many of her readers to start their own blogs and present their own points of view)

One woman, creating art and writing on her farm, has had a huge impact on black female empowerment.  Here’s to you, Evia, this week’s “Work it Wednesday” feature.

charityLet me begin by stating that I only believe in dating for marriage.  I’m muslim, and quite traditional in that respect.  So if you believe in dating for kicks and something to do on a Saturday night, none of this applies to you. 

Think about what you really need and want in a marriage.  Where do you see yourself in 2, 5, 15 years?  Let’s talk finances for a minute.  Good conversation and romance is necessary in a marriage in my opinion.  However, it’s not the only thing.  You, your future husband and children are going to need food to eat, clothing to wear, and a place to lie your heads every night.  Therefore, any potential husband needs to be evaluated for his ability to provide those things.  Not only to provide them, but to provide them at a level that is satisfactory to you both.  For instance, if you place importance on eating mostly natural and organic foods, you’ll want a man willing and able to bear the cost of that for himself, his wife and children.  If you’re not a clotheshorse, sew a bit and don’t mind thriftstore shopping, that will lessen the amount he needs to make. Your standards need not be your best friend’s standards and vice versa.

But PLEASE, set some reasonable standards and stick to them.  Marriage is NOT a charitable endeavor.  You’re looking for someone who can add to your life as you add to theirs.

A man may very well have good excuses, even reasons, that he cannot meet your requirements.  Fine.  But as a wise blogger once said, “Reason’s Don’t Matter”’t-matter   “The fact of the matter remains the reasons are unimportant. The question you have to ask is what impact does this behavior have on you?”

He should, by all ,means, find someone whose standards he can meet.  If you want to be charitable donate your car to the local Salvation Army.  Don’t play games with your life.

I AM talking about how many Black women’s exteriors reflect a total lack of self-worth.  –Khadija


You may have heard a woman refer in old movies to getting made up as “putting her face on”. 

As a child and young woman I thought this phrase was silly.  After all, one already has a face.  Makeup is merely an enhancement.

Reflecting on the issues raised in Khadija’s essay about black american women and presentation, ( ) I’ve completely changed my mind.  When you step out of the house, everything about you from head to toe conveys a message to the world.  Clothes matter. Grooming matters.  People are going to look at you, and the conclusion they reach WILL affect how they treat you. 

You my be kind and intelligent and well read and funny and have a high level of self-respect, but that’s not how it appears to those observing you at the grocery store in a spit-up spotted t-shirt and frayed jeans.  The face you present to the world says alot about who you think you are and how you expect to be treated. 

Here’s blogger Monica Mingo sharing a relevant experience:

For comparison, Monica usually leaves the house looking something like this:

Ready for the world

Ready for the world

Like it or lump it, you can get alot further in life if the image you present to the world is a near-flawless version of yourself.  Even when you keep it casual, you should still polish it up a bit.  You can certainly leave the sparkly eyeshadows and shimmery glosses in the drawer if you are going out to the store.  But dabbing on a bit of foundation, powder, mascara and a smudge of natural lip color will take 5 minutes or less and make a dramatic difference in your appearance.

Be comfortable at home.  Relax at home.  Look sloppy…. yeah that’s right, AT HOME. 

Before you open that front door and step out into the sunshine, make sure your shoes are polished, your teeth are clean, your shirt is ironed, and your “game face” is on.