Fitting in with the fly crowd

I hang out with some fly mamas.

No, really.  Annie has 4 kids under age 10  and still manages to keep a fresh mani/pedi and go to the salon every few months at least for a haircut.  She switches up her haircolor sometimes too.

Mary has 3 as well, and the only time you might catch her out without her makeup is if you run into her at the grocery store at the crack of dawn on a weekend. 

Lainey  is trim enough to look like she never even had children, and “mom jeans” are out of the question.

They are all stay-at-home moms with husbands and young children who particpate in many activities.

They give the lie to the assertion that frumpyness and dumpyness are an inevitable part of mothering young children, to the idea that it just comes with the territory the way cold air comes with winter.  Such an idea can be easy to cave to.  Especially if all of the women you socialize have.  Sitting on the bench at the playground watching your toddlers, you commiserate.  “The baby spits up on me all the time.  I don’t bother with nice shirts anymore.”  “Who has time for a manicure?  It’s all I can do to get a shower everyday!”  “I’m just too busy.  I’ll wear makeup again when the kids are older.”  And so you give each other permission to settle for the “not-as-bad-as-I-COULD” look

It’s a different scenario when you hang out with fly mamas.  You all have little kids and husbands and houses.  Everyone has diapers to change and dinner to make.  They manage to bathe the kids, do the laundry, cook dinner AND step out of the house with an attractive, casual “mommy on the go” look, so why can’t you?  You start to think about trying for “As-good-as-I-can” look.   The three ladies I mentioned above are proof that it can be done, a subtle message to the less-fly mommies around them:  “You could look like this, too.” 

And if you want to look like that, it’s encouraging to know that it can be done.  If you befriend a fly mama, she’ll probably be willing to help you out.  Recently Lainey helped a friend clear her closet of all unflattering and hopelessly outdated clothing.  Next, she and Mary teamed up to take the friend shopping and critique outfits, Clinton and Stacy style. (Meaning, the friend agreed not to buy anything that Lainey and Mary deemed unattractive on her).  I wouldn’t be surprised if a trip to the salon for an updated cut and makeup consultation was next.

Then there will be yet another certified fly mama in the area.  If this keeps up, it could really catch on.  “Pssst.  Come with us to get mani pedis.  Throw out your mom jeans.  Let’s meet for pilates at my house.  Come on… all the cool moms are doing it.” 

Sure, it’s peer pressure.  But it’s the positive kind.

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Tenderheaded.com

May 18, 2010

Gorgeous hair.  We all want it, don’t we?  Many women will drop $$$ on deep conditioners, shine serums, even hair vitamins.  However, it seems many of us overlook  a key component of healthy, beautiful, long hair:  the proper tools.  I get mine from http://www.tenderheaded.com .

The right comb, the right pillowcase, even the right ponytail holders and hairpins can make a huge difference in the length and beauty of your hair.  Beautiful amber combs, handmade and seamless glide thru your hair instead of ripping it.

Satin pillowcases don’t suck moisture from hair and preserve your style.

Large, smooth pins keep hair in place and glide in rather than having to be forcefully shoved in, reducing breakage.

They are all “must haves” as far as I’m concerned, and I get mine from http://www.tenderheaded.com .  Relaxed or natural, the products from this store have never disappointed me.  The shipping is fast and the orders are always accurate. 

Go forth and be gorgeous.

So, I was talking to my BFF about the ongoing     <a href=”http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/11/inner-sanctuary-part-4-are-you-ready-to.html“>Feel Flawless</a> effort. 

The topic, this time, was shoes.  I’m often out and about with my children, and I had fallen into the bad habit of wearing sneakers with my long skirts.  Nice heels aren’t really practical as one of my children has the nasty habit of running heedlessly into the street if his hand is not held.  If he gets a head start on me or breaks away for a second, I need to be nimble and quick to catch him.  Yeah, heels aren’t so good for that.  I commented that I had crossover Mary Janes, something like these:

Much better than sneakers

But so often I just grabbed the sneakers.  I wondered aloud exactly  how bad it looks.  She pulled no punches. “Really bad.”  she said.  I think she went on to use such words as “clunky” and “ridiculous.”

See, a real friend will tell you when you are slipping and need to step up your game.  They’re not going to tell you that all is well when you are busting the seams on your favorite jeans.  She’s not going to pretend that new foundation flatters you if it makes your skin look like you’re wearing a Halloween mask.  She’ll tell you that stylist jacked you up and she will not, not tell you that you look ok wearing some running shoes with an ankle length skirt.

Here’s to all the real friends out there.

If you think you have it bad with black men, step outside of the community and see if you have it any better. The fact of the matter is, youre only a woman in the black community. Once you step outside that community, you can proclaim you are a woman all you want but you are black first.  –Ranter who shall not be named

I read that little rant and had to laugh, because it is so pathetic.

Pathetic because that was the best the guy could do.

His argument that black women should stay with/support black men is that even though they are bad, other people are worse?

Really though?

If that’s his whole argument, what he’s really doing is pleading the case for why black women should bounce and not look back.

Why not list all the benefits that the “black community” provides?

Black men and women who want to scare black women into staying, physically and mentally, trapped in a black construct always use that same tired threat:  Those other people don’t really care about you.  Those other people will hurt you.  You’re only safe here.  Don’t come crying back to us for help when (fill in the blank horrible thing) happens to you!  Well here’s a newsflash for all those who think like this:  horrible things are happening to black women NOW, where people like YOU hold sway.  Don’t bother threatening that you won’t help me if I leave, because you are useless right now.

Honestly this argument is very reminiscent of the one domestic abusers use on their victims.  “I’m the only one that loves you, you’re so ugly no one else would put up with you, you will only ever have me.”

The black husbands of many of the black women I know personally would not need to say “Other men are worse than me”.  These women look happy and low-stress everytime I see them, largely because their husbands are doing their part.  A man of worth does not need to spew threats and foolishness to get you to stay.  He knows that he has been doing well in providing, protecting, listening, cherishing, and loving.

 Only the scared and insecure need make threats instead of making a case based on reality.  And only the scared, insecure, and uninformed will fall for such nonsense.