Waiting for Superman

November 9, 2010

Yeah, he's fine. But he ain't real.

“If I’m gonna date a white guy, I’m not getting Opie.  He has to be fine.”

“He has to really care about racial justice.  I’m talking a Tim Wise type.”

“He has to have some kind of swagger.”

I have heard variations on the above from black women when talking about the sort of white man they could be persuaded to date and/or marry.  Sometimes, they want all of that in one man (plus education, a fitness model body, etc.etc.)  I’m going to ignore #1 and #3, as Evia and others have more than adequately addressed those.

When I read that, I kind of laughed.  Think about it.  Who makes up 75-90% of the footsoldiers in  IBA (Indigenous Black Americans, yeah I just made that up, feel free to use it) civil rights/racial justice associations?

You’d be hard-pressed to find a black man who spends a great deal of time writing articles/organizing protests/giving lectures on racial justice to seriously date. (Statistically speaking)  Listing that as a requirement for a white man effectively eliminates them as an option.  See how neatly she did that?

I doubt such women who are so very concerned with this issue would even consider making that a “must-have” in a black man.

So why would she be so insistent on this behavior from a white man?  My theory is that this is another part of the “Keeping it Real” trickbag.  By insisting that any white man she dates be a “Tim Wise”, she can deflect any accusations that she has “sold out” by dating/marrying white, “forgot where she came from” and all the other nonsensical foolishness sometimes hurled at IR married black women.

Like I said above, it also shrinks her possible pool of white potential mates to teaspoon size.  By throwing up ridiculous obstacles, she can justify never taking the risk of trying “something new.”  She can use the excuse that she is “waiting for Superman,” who as we all know, doesn’t exist.  But, as a source which I can’t find yet once said,

“To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

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7 Responses to “Waiting for Superman”

  1. daphne Says:

    Thanks for the another perspective on this. I suspect dating a Tim Wise type sounds more appealing in theory than it would be in reality.

    • foreverloyal Says:

      Hopefully the real Tim Wise would be able to walk on the beach at sunset without discussing heavy racial issues.

      Racial issues are interesting and important, but there’s more to life and relationships!

      • daphne Says:

        Excuse the typos from my earlier post! Just realized it.

        I completely agree! Sometimes, I just wanna lay my head on his shoulder and be held/watch TV mindlessly/laugh/whatever, m’kay?

      • foreverloyal Says:

        Yeah, I’m not interested in pillow talk about white privilege. lol

  2. Alee Says:

    What’s up with this “swagger” stuff? Who needs that? Does that take care of any of life’s real priorities?

    It’s good to have a guy that is aware of racial issues or is open-minded enough to discuss them, but a Tim Wise? Really? Okay.

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