Time to put on the cap and go sit in the cornerA followed a link from CreoleinDC’s blog to a discussion about an article on black women and romance/dating recently published by The Washington Post http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/2009/12/man-speak.html.  The blog author, who goes by SBM (Single Black Male, though the S could well stand for other things) did the usual song and dance about undateable professional black women and how they need to tone it down and settle.

The lovely Mrs. Mingo was kind enough to offer her perspective, and a differing opinion.

Of course, then she was accused by the blog host and one of the other male commenters of being angry.  One even posted a picture of a dog. (How gentlemanly!)

Um, newsflash.  A black woman disagreeing with you doesn’t make her angry.  It makes her a person who disagrees.  An immediate attempt to invalidate her views by suggestion she is operating on emotion is a lame attempt to deflect attention from your inability to intelligently defend your position.  Suggesting she is a canine of the female variety provides further proof that she needn’t waste her time engaging you at all.



Ok, not actually flawless.  Perfection, after all, is Allah’s.  But let’s talk about making the most of ourselves–operating at Maximum Flyness–with limited resources.


I do not spend alot of money on my upkeep.  I will share what I do and hope to pick up some tips in the comments.


–I don’t use fancy pre-treatments.  I love to mix coconut and castor oils and add a dab of honey.  I put it on damp hair, top with a shower cap and leave it in.  There are three ways to do it:  Sleep in it, sit under a bonnet dryer for 10-15 minutes on medium setting, or jump around a little.  The heat will help it penetrate your hair.  Shampoo it out with a drugstore shampoo, finish with a drugstore conditioner and work a bit of coconut oil in as a leave-in.  Presto!  Soft, shiny hair.  I have used this on my hair relaxed or natural with equally impressive results.  A 16 oz jar of coconut oil can be had for cheap at your local Indian/Arab grocery, and you can get castor oil in the laxative section of the supermarket.  If you can’t find coconut oil, try olive oil.

–Check the remnant section of your local fabric store.  Remnants are sold at a discount.  Pick up some silk or satin remnants and make yourself some pillowcases or sleeping scarves.  These keep the hair from snagging and reduce breakage.

–Ditch the professional rollerset and blowout and wear your hair wavy.  Twirl sections of damp hair around your fingers, roll into a ball (resembling a cinnamon roll) and pin.  Dry overnight or under a bonnet dryer.  This works for natural and relaxed hair (and naturally straight hair). 

Hands and Feet: 

–Do your own manicures!  I like a very natural look, so I use a Sally Hansen manicure tool.  It has an emery board and buffer built in.  I can shape my nails and buff them to a high shine, no polish required. (Although following up with a coat of clear polish makes it look even better).   This saves on polish as well as the hassle of having to touch up nail color

–Once a week, use a cheap drugstore scrub (Like St. Ives Apricot Scrub) to wash your hands.   Follow up with coconut oil, lotion, or petroleum jelly.  Top with gloves and go to bed.  The moisturizer and gloves can be done nightly.

–I LOVE the ped-egg.  I just use it once a week, then dampen my feet, put on moisturizer and wear socks to bed.  The Sally Hansen tool can also be used to buff and shine the toenails.  A few minutes once a week is all it takes.


Sally Hansen wax strips are the truth!  And much cheaper than getting it done at the salon.  Underarms can be tricky, though, so it might help if you had the assistance of a friend.  And for your legs, there’s always the good old fashioned razor.

I’ll add more later, but I hope this is a good start. 

Here’s an article at http://www.youngmoney.com/lifestyles/advice/061115

A blog on the subject of lower-priced fashion:  http://www.thebudgetfashionista.com/


August 26, 2008

Abu Sinan recently made the following controversial statement: I am not a fan of the Muslim community, anyone who reads my blog or posts for long will realise that. I have made it clear that I remain a Muslim despite the seeming attempts of the Muslim communities I have been a part of to rob me of my love of Islam.  http://abusinan-sayf.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-am-not-fan-of-muslim-community-anyone.html

I don’t know that I have ever actually felt that way, but I have had related emotions.  Feelings of not being altogether welcome as a black person in a predominately southeast asian/arab immigrant masjid.  Feelings of not being fully accepted because I wasn’t a salafi.  (Found out there was a rumor going around that my husband and I were sufi, which was apparently akin to devil-worship amongst those doing the yapping.)  Ticked off as a woman used to equal accomodations, that I had to use the rear entrance of the masjid. (This was especially unsettling after 9/11.  The rear of the masjid faced a wooded area.)  Annoyance at being expected to shut off my brain and accept another human, and not even the prophet, as an infallible source of islam, not to be questioned lest I be called a kafir, hypocrite, or maybe just someone skating toward hell.

With experiences like that, and the ones Abu Sinan has apparently had, one can just decide to throw in the towel.  Show up for Friday prayer and ‘Eid, and that’s it.  Keep from expressing doubts or a difference of opinion for the sake of keeping the peace or just plain ol’ not being bothered.

The problem with that, though, is that it keeps like-minded people from finding community in each other.  Sometimes after a much-needed break, it’s necessary to reach out.  Take the risk of being tsked and shushed for having an opinion, for being a little different.  You just might find a few people in that crowd nodding.  Wouldn’t it be refreshing, comforting, wonderful to have a place to belong?  Afterall…

Making the way in the world today

Takes everything you got

Taking a break from all your worries

Sure would help alot

Wouldn’t you like to get away?

To someplace without alcohol, of course.  Pretzels are fine though.  Maybe some green-tea smoothies and butter cookies, too.

What do you think?


* You may be interested in Jeffrey Lang’s Losing My Religion for a bit more on this topic, or https://foreverloyal.wordpress.com/2007/11/20/check-your-brain-at-the-door/ for my related ramblings.


February 26, 2008

From Shecodes’ blog:  http://blackwomenvote.blogspot.com/2008/02/portrait-of-modern-day-royal-rook.html

 Speaking up to defend the image of black women.

 To the advertisers.

Hit ’em where it hurts–in the pocketbook!

Here’s a snippet, read more at the link above:

This week, the website entitled Bossip put up a picture of the revered Maya Angelou, with the disrespectful and defamatory caption: “Ho, sit down”.Many, many people were deeply offended by it, and congregated on other websites to complain about it to each other. The comment section on WAOD reached 60 responses and was still going strong before I shut it down.But what did all of that anger and breast-beating accomplish? You guessed it. Nada… Nothing tangible was done about it until a Black Rook, namely BlkSeagoat, entered the scene. This is what he did yesterday:

Oh, the Irony!

February 7, 2008

I love being muslim.

I made a thorough, independent (not pressured by family/friends) study of islam before I decided that yes, this is the path I wanted to follow.  I am also rather conservative in my interpretation and practice.  I have zero desire to don a short skirt (even after dropping the pregnancy pounds), enjoy a cocktail with dinner or flirt.

Knowing that to be the case, you might think I’d like to live in a country such as Saudi Arabia.

You’d be wrong.

PM’s latest post http://peacefulmuslimah.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/are-women-really-liberated-by-the-way-we-implement-islam/ provides a huge reason why. Pick up the paper anywhere and any day and you will  read stories about the terrible treatment of women in almost every society on earth. I personally feel most invested in our Muslim societies (especially Qatar) and the US, because those are both very pertinent in my life. I confess to holding Muslim societies to a higher degree of expectation because after all, we are Muslims and we say we are guided on the right path. But how come that “right” path turns out to be so “wrong” so much of the time?

She continues by posting some of the latest foolishness as reported in the Gulf Times.

I know many sisters who have made the move from the U.S. to KSA and other muslim countries.  As far as I can tell they are mostly happy and I am happy for them.  But it is not for me. 


I was going to make some meaty and profound post but I really have to get the laundry done, folded, ironed and put away so I’m going to make this quick.

 I appreciate that there is a shortage of upper-middle class black men, and understand that some black women prefer interracial dating over dating a “lower-class” brother.  I just hope that those black women who are undecided on this issue will do some serious thinking.

Again let me state that I can only speak for myself.  I didn’t marry my wonderful hubby because of any shortage.  I got married pretty much right after college, back then all this “shortage”  talk was quiet if not nonexistent, or at least I don’t remember it.  As to the money thing, everyone has their standards of what is acceptable, desirable, and what is too low to even be considered.  We have them about money, height, (I don’t see to many women expressing a desire for short men or little people), looks, health.  If I had been sixty pounds overweight and on oxygen I am sure my husband would have said, “Next!”  There is not a thing wrong with wanting a man who can provide a certain level of comfort and stability for you and your future children.  Me, I wanted a modest house in a safe neighborhood with the means to stay home with the kids.  Luxury cars and designer handbags, etc. are not my thing so I don’t care about having enough money for that.  If someone else decides she wants more than that, that’s her.  She just may get it.

Some people think that Clare is undercover trying to say “Don’t do it!” Maybe she is.  Some of her points are well-taken and there is certainly nothing wrong with giving them a little consideration.  Like I’ve said before I am real happy over here.  Go over to CreoleInDC’s spot and tell me what she and Robby have isn’t real. (Don’t go trying to post her pics on IR websites though). My mom is married to a black man and she is also very happy.  We all need to examine our own needs and our own standards and go from there.  If you want to widen your pool to white/asian/whatever, fine.  If you don’t, fine. Everything isn’t for everybody.

Some people have never tried Thai food and may have heard from friends that it is yucky, weird, the service in the restaurants is rude and slow, etc.  They may have been put off thai food for this reason.  Then they pass by a restaurant and decide to try it.  Surprise, the food is different but delicious and the service is great.  Or they might try it and decide no, they really DON’T like thai food and rice noodles make them gag.  They may never try it, stick to their favorite steakhouses and italian spots and be perfectly happy.  Whatever.

I’m not about to start wagging my fingers and warning black women that if they don’t date “out” they are doomed to a life of misery and babymammadom.  Such a statement would be offensive and more importantly, false.

 Any woman would do well to heed Clare’s advice to do some serious thinking, but I would add that such advice needs to be applied across the board.  Marriage is not a joke.  Something New isn’t always something good. True. Something Old isn’t always something good. 

If you find yourself single and are ready to be married, make an honest evaluation of yourself first, http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/2006/08/how_to_get_and_.html and then do Something.



 Women throwing themselves at a sista’s husband.  Why?  Well, they figure since he’s white he can do better.  They’re going to give him the chance to dump his black wife and their children together so he can get with a woman with less melanin.

UmmAdam is more patient than I. Masha’allah.

A message to all the women trying her:  have some taqwa. (I’m going to keep my less pious comments to myself.)


We do not need to support black people on the basis of our shared heritage.

Marrying “Interracially” doesn’t mean someone is no longer black.  But be aware, that it also can mean that they take comments like “I hate white people, they are  are _____” personally.

A Classic post from CreoleinDC.  Excellent advice sure to yield postive results insha’allah. http://creoleindc.typepad.com/rantings_of_a_creole_prin/2006/08/how_to_get_and_.html

Found this through UmAdam’s blog.  It is the first entry in a new category:  “Featured Posts from Other Blogs”

Here it is 6 years later and as it was then it is still now. 9/11 is a day of reflection for me for several reasons. On 9/11 I found out that:

1: I really was a Marine

2: I was willing to die for my country

3: Islam is infact not only a religion of peace, but the truth

Most people have no problem with 1 and 2 when I ordinarily re-tell this story, but number 3 is always met with hostility.