So I just got through reading Khadija’s latest post: .

I’m really, really glad I didn’t have any chocolate yesterday or today.  I took a walk and drank a bunch of water, too.

A little inspiration for you and me.  I’m going to think of this every time I’m tempted to skip a workout or eat chocolate on a non-treat day.  I’ve changed the words, though:  “You’ve got big dreams, you want to be a size 0… Well size 0 COSTS! And right here’s where you start paying.  Now pick up the weights!”


My Husband’s Hands

February 18, 2009

His hands throw our children in the air and tickle their tummies.

They thread chunks of chicken onto kabob skewers so he can grill us up some dinner.

His hands pull me in for a hug when I’m frustrated or sad.heart-in-hands

They put up curtain rods, they sometimes wash the dishes, they hold the door for me when we go out to dinner.

They have never struck me, or threatened to strike.

They have never closed around my neck, never yanked my head back, never shoved me into a wall.

Tell me, are his hands so rare in the world of Muslim men?


August 26, 2008

Abu Sinan recently made the following controversial statement: I am not a fan of the Muslim community, anyone who reads my blog or posts for long will realise that. I have made it clear that I remain a Muslim despite the seeming attempts of the Muslim communities I have been a part of to rob me of my love of Islam.

I don’t know that I have ever actually felt that way, but I have had related emotions.  Feelings of not being altogether welcome as a black person in a predominately southeast asian/arab immigrant masjid.  Feelings of not being fully accepted because I wasn’t a salafi.  (Found out there was a rumor going around that my husband and I were sufi, which was apparently akin to devil-worship amongst those doing the yapping.)  Ticked off as a woman used to equal accomodations, that I had to use the rear entrance of the masjid. (This was especially unsettling after 9/11.  The rear of the masjid faced a wooded area.)  Annoyance at being expected to shut off my brain and accept another human, and not even the prophet, as an infallible source of islam, not to be questioned lest I be called a kafir, hypocrite, or maybe just someone skating toward hell.

With experiences like that, and the ones Abu Sinan has apparently had, one can just decide to throw in the towel.  Show up for Friday prayer and ‘Eid, and that’s it.  Keep from expressing doubts or a difference of opinion for the sake of keeping the peace or just plain ol’ not being bothered.

The problem with that, though, is that it keeps like-minded people from finding community in each other.  Sometimes after a much-needed break, it’s necessary to reach out.  Take the risk of being tsked and shushed for having an opinion, for being a little different.  You just might find a few people in that crowd nodding.  Wouldn’t it be refreshing, comforting, wonderful to have a place to belong?  Afterall…

Making the way in the world today

Takes everything you got

Taking a break from all your worries

Sure would help alot

Wouldn’t you like to get away?

To someplace without alcohol, of course.  Pretzels are fine though.  Maybe some green-tea smoothies and butter cookies, too.

What do you think?


* You may be interested in Jeffrey Lang’s Losing My Religion for a bit more on this topic, or for my related ramblings.


July 29, 2008



I am always amused when I hear women tsk-tsking about the muslim tradition of mahr.

“I wouldn’t want to be bought.”

“How backwards!”

Let these same women have a man propose to them with a $150.00 Target ring and see what they would say!

“What nerve!”

“He doesn’t value me at all! I am worth more than that!”

“If he can’t even pay for a decent ring how is he going to support a household?”

Um, yeah.

Sephora Goes Fabulous

July 2, 2008


Well, it looks like Sephora has decided to up their “fabulous quotient” by having the good sense to invite Monica Mingo to guest blog on her favorite products.

If you aren’t familiar with Miss Monica, I can tell you that she is fashionable, inspiring, witty, and entertaining.  I bought two actual handbags for the first time in years and it’s ALL HER FAULT!  Anyway, check out the link.

We sincerely hope that this post can be the last Open Letter that criticizes the involvement of the NAACP and Al Sharpton in the Dunbar Village case.

Although we are not satisfied with the official conduct of the NAACP in the past few weeks, we acknowledge that the finite goals that we originally set for this campaign have been completed.

We will continue to offer our support to the victims of this crime, and would like to thank the prosecutor in this case for exercising a high degree of discretion.


New readers: this post is the conclusion of a protest in which thousands of African Americans from various walks of life condemned the recent actions of both the NAACP and the National Action Network in a criminal case known as the Dunbar Village Atrocity. Read details of the crime here.


We are satisfied that the NAACP will cease to use it’s power of advocacy to demand that the suspects in the Dunbar Village Atrocity case be given the opportunity to be released on bail.

We are satisfied that a long overdue show of official support for the Dunbar Village victims has been made, or is under way.

We are somewhat satisfied with the apology that was given for the public declaration that the Dunbar Village Atrocity and the Boca Raton rape case are comparable; however, it is not lost on us that the apology was done privately, and not delivered by the National office with the same level of conviction in which the original statement was made.

We condemn the NAACP’s failed attempt to obfuscate the truth concerning their participation in the press conference dated 03/11/2008.

The absurdity of their attempt to deny such easily verifiable facts caused real damage to the credibility of their establishment. Our community needs to be able to trust the integrity and veracity of any organization that purports to advocate for it, therefore, we challenge the NAACP to be honest enough to admit their mistakes in the future, even the big ones.


We have done our very best to be people of integrity concerning this matter, by thoroughly researching the facts before mounting this campaign.

Our wish is to be to be able to work together with justice organizations to right the wrongs inflicted on people of color, by not only enforcing standards of prosecution, but also by raising the standard of ethical conduct of all people involved.

While our demands have been met in this case, we are not convinced that either agency has taken the appropriate steps to ensure that tragic decisions like the press conference in support of the torture suspects will not be made again in the future.

We urge the NAACP and the National Action Network to interpret this protest as a golden opportunity for critical self reflection, as a new line of dialogue, and as a chance to move into better alignment with the will of the very people that they exist to serve.

The Dunbar Village Victim Assistance Fund

Individuals who would like to donate money to the victims can go to any Wachovia Bank and donate to the St. Ann’s Victim’s Assistance Fund. Donations will go directly to the mother and her son.

St. Ann’s Catholic Church will also accept donations. Checks can be made payable to the “Dunbar Village Victim Assistance Fund – St. Ann’s”.

Donations can be mailed to: St. Ann’s Catholic Church, 310 N. Olive Avenue, West Palm Beach, FL 33401

For more information about this Dunbar Village Campaign, you can visit any of the following blogs:

Got the T-Shirt

March 13, 2008

stop foolishness

Let it be known.

I’m on board.

(Got a T-shirt for Mr. Foreverloyal too.)


February 26, 2008

From Shecodes’ blog:

 Speaking up to defend the image of black women.

 To the advertisers.

Hit ’em where it hurts–in the pocketbook!

Here’s a snippet, read more at the link above:

This week, the website entitled Bossip put up a picture of the revered Maya Angelou, with the disrespectful and defamatory caption: “Ho, sit down”.Many, many people were deeply offended by it, and congregated on other websites to complain about it to each other. The comment section on WAOD reached 60 responses and was still going strong before I shut it down.But what did all of that anger and breast-beating accomplish? You guessed it. Nada… Nothing tangible was done about it until a Black Rook, namely BlkSeagoat, entered the scene. This is what he did yesterday:

Oh, the Irony!

February 7, 2008

I love being muslim.

I made a thorough, independent (not pressured by family/friends) study of islam before I decided that yes, this is the path I wanted to follow.  I am also rather conservative in my interpretation and practice.  I have zero desire to don a short skirt (even after dropping the pregnancy pounds), enjoy a cocktail with dinner or flirt.

Knowing that to be the case, you might think I’d like to live in a country such as Saudi Arabia.

You’d be wrong.

PM’s latest post provides a huge reason why. Pick up the paper anywhere and any day and you will  read stories about the terrible treatment of women in almost every society on earth. I personally feel most invested in our Muslim societies (especially Qatar) and the US, because those are both very pertinent in my life. I confess to holding Muslim societies to a higher degree of expectation because after all, we are Muslims and we say we are guided on the right path. But how come that “right” path turns out to be so “wrong” so much of the time?

She continues by posting some of the latest foolishness as reported in the Gulf Times.

I know many sisters who have made the move from the U.S. to KSA and other muslim countries.  As far as I can tell they are mostly happy and I am happy for them.  But it is not for me. 

Big Girls Need Fun Too…

September 28, 2007


Though some people seem to think they are undeserving of it.  Unfortunately, this often includes big girls themselves.

There were several very large girls at my college.  From what I could see, all of them pretty much went to class, the dining hall, and back to their rooms.  They didn’t go out to eat, didn’t go to the mall, didn’t even participate in campus activities.  They all seemed to walk with their heads slightly down.  All of them but one.

Kim didn’t walk, she strode.  Her head was high, her shoulders were back, and she would look you in the eye with confidence.  She was active in campus clubs, even volunteering to host a traveling group of male singers when they came to perform at our school.  She was amazing, unique in her ability to remain relatively unaffected by societal messages about the worth of heavy women.  She wasn’t delusional, mind you.  She knew that her weight was unhealthy, and severely restricted her date potential besides.  So yeah she was going to aerobics and drinking her water, but she didn’t put her life on hold.  She didn’t feel like she should wait until she was smaller to socialize, to go out, to have fun.  To be worthy of those things.

She acted like she was worthy, and most people treated her accordingly.  There’s a lesson in that:  don’t wait until you have a certain image to value yourself.  You can enjoy life in the meantime, while you are on the journey to get that degree/26 inch waist/clear skin/whatever.  The time to be happy can be now.